[Scorp]

I should have lost more than I have so far for being on the WW online program for 4 months now.

I've fallen off the wagon and it's no one else's fault but mine. When I get like this I usually sabotage myself and figure wtf, I'll just eat this and that and tomorrow I'll get back on the wagon. Never happened. I gained 4 lbs, which to some it isn't a big deal. To me it is, as there is no gray area. I have to apply myself and go all or nothing which is surprising because I'm usually very self disciplined with a lot of things.

Prior to the gaining, I was strict and doing well. It was actually fun (believe it or not). Now, 4 months later, I'm starting to go down that road of slowly eating the bad things again, and/or allowing more of those foods with a higher point range. I know when this downfall all started, which was the weekend we got married (back in May). I figured it's ok to celebrate and eat what I wanted, but poor excuse, I knew what the outcome would be from that point on.

I need to convince myself to get back on and get into the mindset I was in when I first started this off again/on again journey. I hate dieting and it sucks because I miss all kinds of foods. I've never enjoyed eating vegetables, I would always have to force myself to eat them and it's worse being on this diet. The same applies to fruits, but I do enjoy summer fruit and always have.

It doesn't matter what anyone says or does, I know the drill and the formalities of what is expected as well as the program I am (should be) following correctly. It's always been a bit of a battle. The worse thing anyone can say to me is "oh you've been doing fine and are able to cheat and enjoy what you like". I know folks mean well, but in my book NO to me that isn't acceptable because it's like a drug, the first little taste of something makes me end up going on an eating frenzy. I know myself better than anyone and I have to control it. I'm just pissed at myself because I should have at least lost more weight at this point and should be down 2 sizes from when I originally started this. And, let's not forget about the hormonal issues I have that adds difficulty to losing weight. Fuckin' sucks.

I'm not sure what it's going to take for me to get back in the "mindset" and I know I gotta do it. Maybe a fuckin' Hanibal Lecter mask and wear it 24/7 to prevent me from eating all kinds of crap.

Lastly, congrats to everyone for doing so well. I think I may need to visit this thread more often for inspiration from all of you.

Best,
-Scorp-