[Medusa]

Daily Overshare Alert!


Another small victory today: This one wasn't about battle against the food per se, but more about battling against unhealthy thinking patterns.

We had to endure a 4-hour-long session with human resources today at work. It had the potential to be super-stressful and uncomfortable for our team and many of us were wringing our hands about the possible conversations. Our unit administrator decided to order pizza to try to ease tensions. He had said yesterday that they would "provide a healthy lunch" so I didnt pack lunch today and opted for packing just snacks and water.

I kinda freaked out a little in my head when I heard that the healthy lunch was pizza because my head is super black and white about what I can and can not do on my plan for better health. The black and white stuff says I have to go cold turkey off of anything resembling pizza, hamburger, ribs, ice cream, fettucini etc. (the stuff I love!). The real me knows that it is simply not reasonable to go the rest of my life without ever eating another piece of pizza or cup of ice cream so today I turned off the yakking in my head and ate ONE piece of pizza and used my snack cup of cantaloupe as a side item.

I ate that one piece of pizza and did not feel guilty and did not feel shame and THAT is truly a victory for me. The guilt-feelings and shaming stuff usually would have meant I ate the pizza, felt guilty and decided "Fuck it, I've ruined everything and I suck so I might as well cram my face with....you guessed it....MORE PIZZA!". Self-sabotage, front and center.

I refuse to do that ever again. I will not use shame and guilt as an excuse to let unhealthy thoughts take over so that I can sabotage some more. What I WILL do is say to myself "Is eating one piece of pizza reasonable?" When I can answer "Yes, that is reasonable" (taking into consideration that I have eaten a healthy breakfast and had plenty of water), I will proceed with the food (in moderation of course). I plan to walk a little longer tonight, not because I feel like I need to "work off the pizza" but because that's what I think will make me feel balanced.

Woman can not live by salad alone! We also can not live on shame, guilt, or self-sabotage. Sometimes we gotta turn that love-mirror on ourselves and say "A piece of pizza for lunch does not mean the end of a healthy lifestyle!".

Baby steps toward health. Whoomp!