It seems that this will be another soul searching difficult post for me, which has been incited by thoughts and feelings I have experienced over a few different nights, and particularly last night when out at a gay bar in town.
As a quick background, for the most part I identify as femme, and it is something that I feel is “natural” to me and something I have experimented with.
Before I came out “officially” I confess that I had this strange notion that to be a lesbian, I would have to be more butch, and I did experiment with becoming more masculine in both mannerism and clothing style. However it didn’t take me too long to realise that this simply wasn’t who I am, it was an ill fitting costume.
When I go out, I do like to dress up and I tend to sit more in the high femme end…
And lately (I am not sure whether it is happening more, whether I am noticing it more, or whether I am just being more sensitive to it) but I feel like butch women don’t take me seriously, and treat me like an idiot, or dismiss me as being shallow simply for the fact that I am wearing cosmetics, and feminine clothes and (most importantly for me) having fun with my clothes!
I will post more on this topic soon, I am really just feeling utterly depressed and rejected right now.
