[gaea]

this is a most sensitive topic.

as a young girl who had a shapely figure with dark hair and dark skin and the prettiest brown eyes i was teased relentlessly so by my biological sisters, i was also smart very smart, i cant remember a time i couldn't read or do math in my head, i cant remember a time when i couldn't remember things, things a 3 year old shouldn't have even known and yet i remembered and this intimidated my mother. i had the "cute" factor and the smart factor and i was emotionally and mentally beat down by the people that should have been my biggest support in life.

by the time i reached junior high i was quiet and reserved and actually feared being hated by others based on my home experience, thus i dumbed down and hid "me" from the world.

i became a mother at 15 and so i invested all i had in my children i didn't have to worry about anything or anyone else because i could teach them and i did.

at 25 i came out and the butch i hooked up with decided for me that i should not wear the feminin clothing i so loved (her own insecurities) nor wear make up nor be who i was, that lasted 8 years too long ....i did not realize i intimidated her as well, i though she accepted me for me, took me awhile however i woke up to all the bs and i bailed took my kids stepped out on my own and have grown stronger over the last decade (geez).

im still told i intimidate hahaha my bosses have told me that as they threaten to fire me for being too "smart" (really???) I crave a job that would allow me to work from home and that my intelligence would be that of one that is appreciated and not feared, i just honestly don't know how to accomplish that. it is frustrating for sure.

i dress feminin and i done my make-up and i feel good about me, i dislike that i have to not show my intelligence at work however i can do that elsewhere in which i often do in which i often get "you intimidate me" wtf? very frustrating.

for me how i see the world, everyone is unique in and of them self they are wonderful even when they cant see it. they are built to be exactly who they are meant to be why pick on anyone? every single person is intelligent and every intelligent being differs than the one sitting next to you.

little_ms_sunshyne said it best when she said fuck em

and this reminds me of what my dad would have said, he would have said to me

"if they cant take a joke fuck 'em"

be who you are always, all ways stay strong and persevere regardless of what others think, because at the end of the day your the one who goes to sleep with you therefore your the "one" that matters most.