[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by LediskoLove99

So my best friend and I met online about three years ago and we are extremely close, closer than I have ever been with anyone in my life. As a matter of fact I'm in her room right now, having a very lovely visit with her. It's our first time actually seeing each other face to face. And I had suspected for a long time that I was falling in love with her but when I first saw her my heart seriously just dropped to my feet. She was more gorgeous than I thought possible and she's just so beautiful in so many ways. The thing is we've had this conversation we're both aware that when we first met we were really attracted to each other but once we became close we just kind of ignored it. Now she's my best friend and I love her with all of my heart and soul and I'm also in love with her, my first time really falling in love and it has to be my best friend. She has this friend we'll call her B that she flirts back and forth with and we've been spending a lot of time with her and when they hug each other they just hold on for so long and my friend, we'll call her S looks so damn happy and like she could just stay there forever and it kills me. I want to be the one to hug her like that. I want to hold her and make her smile and be close to her. And B is straight but you can tell there's mutual chemistry. And I want to hate B because it hurts so bad but she's so sweet and I just can't hate her, I love her. But it still kills me. And all I can do is think about her, when I know she's coming home from work I get so excited and I just can't wait to see her. And my God she smells sooo good. But I know she doesn't feel that way, she feels that way about this girl and it hurts worse than I ever thought it could. I used to hear people talking about it and thought, well it can't be that bad. I was horribly, horribly wrong. I don't want to feel this way about her, I just want it to stop because that would make it all so much easier. But if she's happy with B then I'm happy even if it kills me. I just love her so very much. It's just horrible when I hear her talking about her and she get's this smile and you can tell she wants her and it's just terrible.

There wasn't much point to this other than to vent. I have no one else to talk to about this, I talk to her about EVERYTHING and this is the one thing I can't so I have no one to go to with this. And it's just completely killing me. I have never wanted someone so bad in my life in every single way, I love everything about her, EVERYTHING even the bad but she doesn't want me that way she wants her other friend and there's nothing I can do about it except sit back and let it happen and hope she's happy. Because as long as she's happy that's all that matters to me. Even if it hurts. And I never knew that you could seriously feel this way about someone. Ever.

It sucks the first person I fall in love with, honestly fall in love with is my best friend and has feelings for someone else. I apologize this is a little jumbled but I just have so much on my mind with it and it's killing me. I don't want to lose her, I don't think I would she would never leave me for this kind of thing because I think she knows but I don't want to ruin anything by telling her. Besides nothing would ever happen. Although that would make life wonderful beyond belief but it won't happen plus we live six hours away from each other so it just wouldn't work. This sucks.

Being around her is amazing it just makes everything seem so much better I love her smile, her laugh. Her voice is just so adorable and she can make me laugh for hours just by being her goofy adorable self. I just need someone other than her to vent to about this, someone who understands. Because it's the worst feeling ever.

Most of all I just want her to be happy. She deserves so much happiness.

I just need someone to talk to about this so bad and I don't know what to do, I would love to talk to her about this but since she's the one I feel this way about that's not going to happen. I just hate feeling alone in this. I have to keep it to myself and that just makes it so much more worse.

This is a really tough situation. However, if your friend is technically single, then tell her NOW how you feel before she is committed to someone else. If she doesn't return your feelings, and I know that can really really hurt, then you have 3 choices: 1. Walk away and don't see her or talk to her anymore. 2. Put some distance between you two to protect your heart. Take some time to get over her, tell her you need some space but when you are ready you want to continue the friendship. Then really focus on YOU and healing. 3. Bite down your feelings and just be a supportive friend to her. Like you said, if your really do love her then her happiness is what is most important, even if that means her being with someone else. It's sometimes a really hard pill to swallow. However, if you can put all your romantic feelings for her in a box, and stick them away on a shelf, then you can just focus on the friendship and be grateful to have her in your life at all. If you are seeing her every day that might be too hard. If you are seeing her carry on with this other person right up in your face then that isn't a situation you want to expose yourself to. Take care of yourself.