Quote:
Originally Posted by princessbelle
I feel i should respond to this. I hope it is ok. I was thrown into a poly relationship after being in a monogamous relationship with a woman for seven years. I was a sister wife to this new wife but not by choice exactly. My ex wanted it, i did not. But, in the end, i truely loved her and wanted her happy, so i agreed and went along with it. Long story but, i tried it. It was not a good experience for many, many reasons.
One thing that stands out about that experience more than anything was this promise to me....
If it isn't for you we can stop and go back to being monogamous.
After the first night of my partner being in the next bedroom with her new gf, i knew i didn't want it and couldn't do it. I told her immediately, but it continued. So, the line above given to me was a lie. It went down hill from there.
Four months of me begging and pleading and crying in the fetal position for her to stop, i was packing everything i could into my car and heading East. I've never looked back.
I know poly can work for the right people. I know it. I've seen it work. Communication of course is a key. But, also true detailed what ifs should be set in stone. If it don't work for you, we will stop...very, very important.
Be careful, make sure it is not a fantasy but a true reality and be totally honest with yourself and your partner. Just wanting to fullfill the other one's dreams does not neccessarily mean you can do it in the long run.
I don't mean to be a "debby downer" and again i say it can work. But, the OP is asking for all sides. Just please remember it has to be something you BOTH want and one isn't being talked into it for the sake of the other.
Peace and luck to you both...
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Honey I don't think you're a debbie downer at all! What happened to you was not consensual and that is NOT what a loving relationship is about. I agree that you are with it or not. To each his/her own.
I am sure there are parameters and boundaries that are discussed but I also think that some people find it to be very natural.
I wonder if poly families are easier within a D/s context. Perhaps it is easier if someone is in control or the conductor so to speak? Anyone know?