Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkajl
I was able to affirm to myself that (1) I am a strong woman and I do not *need* anyone to protect me, although what I want and desire is a different issue; and (2) I am an intelligent woman worthy of respect. Knowing this to be my fundamental truth, I began putting out an entirely different energy. To start with, I would walk into a room with my head held slightly higher and that immediately set a different tone for how I was treated.
|
I think this plays a big role in this situation. The initial post I made in a moment of supposed weakness, but I think that part of me realised that by exposing this weakness as such, in such a bluntly honest way would force me to confront other issues that may be lingering under the surface. How I feel about myself, or how I fear people will treat/perceive me as an extension of my own insecurities and how that possibly reflects back to me in the behaviour and attitude of others.
Quote:
|
As far as the intelligent part goes... I still sometimes get treated like a dumb grrl, but that really doesn't bother me too much anymore - mainly because I know the truth *and* I know I have the choice to walk away from the ignorance.
|
Yes, I agree. It is the fact that I am insecure within myself that I could let the opinion of another impact upon me so profoundly. I am not a dumb ditzy girl, and I do not need to participate in that cycle. I do have the choice also to walk away.
Quote:
|
Anyhow, it sounds as though you may have already started a journey of self reflection, with how you spoke about your mom dressing you up a like a doll. Perhaps, instead of thinking of your clothes as your latest "costume/uniform" (which may be sending an unconscious message to others) you may want to think of yourself and your choices more authentically.
|
This is definitely an interesting aspect, the process/journey of uncovering what is authentic. I tend to think though that most of our identities are to varying degrees fabrication, I am not so sure I gel with concepts of the true self. Though we may engage in habits, behaviour or presentation that is more authentic to ourselves than others.
It was going down this road that led me back to expressing myself in a more feminine way again, after attempting to "lesbianise" myself which I erroneously thought would occur by wearing a more masculine costume.
When I became less rigid upon myself, and observed the style and personality that I seemed to become without "trying" as such, I would become more femme. I am still sorting through how much of this is my mothers influence and how much is "authentic."
Quote:
Please know this message is written with tender thoughts and hopes that tomorrow will bring you closer to a better place.
Pink
ps- I'm new to BFP, though many years ago I was on the b-f site.
|
Thank you for your contribution, and the respect towards my own possible interpretations of your thoughts.