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*Anya* · 08-04-2011, 08:19 AM

I was a chubby kid at least my dad used to tell me so. He would walk by and say: "hold in your stomach muscles" (he is a retired Marine) and I was under 10 years old when he did this. By the time I was a teen, I severely restricted my eating and stayed around 110-I am just under 5'4. Hard though. Did ok through 2 babies, went to WW 2 lose baby weight-but gained weight during my relationship.

I have always, always felt that I was never thin enough, even when thin! Fucked up body image!! I did however get fat, honest-to-god fat during my relationship. She liked it because when I was not thin and cute I had no self-confidence. I always avoided sweets before her because they are a big trigger for me-so she would bring me sweets-sabotage much?

So sorry for this but I am working to get my head on straight again. 2.5 years ago, I got a grip. Stopped eating any sweets at all and staying around 1500 cals/day, lost 50 lbs. Bear in mind- it took me two years to lose those 50 pounds and I still needed to losed another 10-15 but my goal was so close, I could almost reach out and touch it.

Then, 6-8 months ago, I started having painful arthritis in my knees, couldn't climb the 7-flights up and down @ work that helped me lose weight. Broke down and bought those little Skinny Cows ice cream cups "one won't hurt you" & that was all it took.

Stopped weighing myself each morning (helps me to not use denial) & ate lots of Skinny Cow ice cream. Finally weighed myself last week & boom-gained 15 pounds! So there I am, instead of closer to my goal-farther away.

My new mantra whenever I get discouraged: you did it before, you will do it again, you have control! No more sweets in my house. It takes me 5-6 days off of anything with sugar to stop craving it and it doesn't matter to me if it is a psychological craving or physical-I crave sweets when I eat them, non-the-less. No more sourdough bread or butter either in the house. I have to stick with protein-that works for me. Keeps me full and not hungry.

The exercise is the issue for me. It is harder to lose without bring able to walk far or to do stairs. I have to figure that part out.

I just needed to say outloud (in cyberspace), I am Anya and I have gotten a grip once again.

Again, I hope it is ok I posted this here.

08-04-2011, 08:19 AM	#751
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,461 Times in 7,283 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Hope thisis the right place for this post I was a chubby kid at least my dad used to tell me so. He would walk by and say: "hold in your stomach muscles" (he is a retired Marine) and I was under 10 years old when he did this. By the time I was a teen, I severely restricted my eating and stayed around 110-I am just under 5'4. Hard though. Did ok through 2 babies, went to WW 2 lose baby weight-but gained weight during my relationship. I have always, always felt that I was never thin enough, even when thin! Fucked up body image!! I did however get fat, honest-to-god fat during my relationship. She liked it because when I was not thin and cute I had no self-confidence. I always avoided sweets before her because they are a big trigger for me-so she would bring me sweets-sabotage much? So sorry for this but I am working to get my head on straight again. 2.5 years ago, I got a grip. Stopped eating any sweets at all and staying around 1500 cals/day, lost 50 lbs. Bear in mind- it took me two years to lose those 50 pounds and I still needed to losed another 10-15 but my goal was so close, I could almost reach out and touch it. Then, 6-8 months ago, I started having painful arthritis in my knees, couldn't climb the 7-flights up and down @ work that helped me lose weight. Broke down and bought those little Skinny Cows ice cream cups "one won't hurt you" & that was all it took. Stopped weighing myself each morning (helps me to not use denial) & ate lots of Skinny Cow ice cream. Finally weighed myself last week & boom-gained 15 pounds! So there I am, instead of closer to my goal-farther away. My new mantra whenever I get discouraged: you did it before, you will do it again, you have control! No more sweets in my house. It takes me 5-6 days off of anything with sugar to stop craving it and it doesn't matter to me if it is a psychological craving or physical-I crave sweets when I eat them, non-the-less. No more sourdough bread or butter either in the house. I have to stick with protein-that works for me. Keeps me full and not hungry. The exercise is the issue for me. It is harder to lose without bring able to walk far or to do stairs. I have to figure that part out. I just needed to say outloud (in cyberspace), I am Anya and I have gotten a grip once again. Again, I hope it is ok I posted this here. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner Last edited by Anya; 08-04-2011 at 08:31 AM. Reason: Needed to state it took 2 years to lose those 50 pounds.