Quote:
Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia
I was a chubby kid at least my dad used to tell me so. He would walk by and say: "hold in your stomach muscles" (he is a retired Marine) and I was under 10 years old when he did this. By the time I was a teen, I severely restricted my eating and stayed around 110-I am just under 5'4. Hard though. Did ok through 2 babies, went to WW 2 lose baby weight-but gained weight during my relationship.
I have always, always felt that I was never thin enough, even when thin! Fucked up body image!! I did however get fat, honest-to-god fat during my relationship. She liked it because when I was not thin and cute I had no self-confidence. I always avoided sweets before her because they are a big trigger for me-so she would bring me sweets-sabotage much?
So sorry for this but I am working to get my head on straight again. 2.5 years ago, I got a grip. Stopped eating any sweets at all and staying around 1500 cals/day, lost 50 lbs. Bear in mind- it took me two years to lose those 50 pounds and I still needed to losed another 10-15 but my goal was so close, I could almost reach out and touch it.
Then, 6-8 months ago, I started having painful arthritis in my knees, couldn't climb the 7-flights up and down @ work that helped me lose weight. Broke down and bought those little Skinny Cows ice cream cups "one won't hurt you" & that was all it took.
Stopped weighing myself each morning (helps me to not use denial) & ate lots of Skinny Cow ice cream. Finally weighed myself last week & boom-gained 15 pounds! So there I am, instead of closer to my goal-farther away.
My new mantra whenever I get discouraged: you did it before, you will do it again, you have control! No more sweets in my house. It takes me 5-6 days off of anything with sugar to stop craving it and it doesn't matter to me if it is a psychological craving or physical-I crave sweets when I eat them, non-the-less. No more sourdough bread or butter either in the house. I have to stick with protein-that works for me. Keeps me full and not hungry.
The exercise is the issue for me. It is harder to lose without bring able to walk far or to do stairs. I have to figure that part out.
I just needed to say outloud (in cyberspace), I am Anya and I have gotten a grip once again.
Again, I hope it is ok I posted this here.
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Of course it's okay you posted....welcome
I am so with you on the sweets thing....it seems like the more I eat, the more I crave, and I'm better off if I just stay away from them completely.
Having stuff in the house is tough...if it's here, I'll eat it. One of the big challenges for me was actually moving in with Scoote and the Prince, because they are huge snack food eaters. All of the stuff I love and never kept around...chips, ice cream bars, soda, oreos, chocolate, candy....it's here. I generally had Dove bars and tiny Dove chocolates around for my son....so it's not like there was nothing tempting in my old house....but I found it easier to think of those as "Rooster's treats" and there was so little that I could ignore it better. When I weakened, I'd savor one of those tiny Dove chocolate squares (I think 1 oz.) and that would generally do it.
I'm doing better....last night I actually stood up, headed for the cupboard to get the Doritos...hesitated in the middle of the kitchen, turned around and went back to the couch. I didn't really want them....it was habit. And breaking that "if it's here, I eat it" habit is tough.
Scoote has offered several times to not have the stuff in the house, but I truly would rather break my addiction to it, and not have the kids go without, than have her do that. So far, I'm doing alright...