[apretty]

When E and I were at a concert a few weeks ago there were about a thousand lesbians, I sat next to a couple who were nice enough--They weren't "like us" in the sense that there wasn't any B/F going on but they were sweet and in fact invited me/us to a swim party some time this month...

(*Of course I broke the ice by asking if either of them had spotted their therapists, yet and while E kept his distance as he's apt to do, I had two temporary BFFs though by first appearance I am sure they didn't know what to make of me in my glam-ass maxi dress and gold accessories.)

In the course of our short conversations between songs, my seat-neighbor made it clear that she was glad that a "mannnnn" wasn't sitting next to her and made a sound and face in disgust. I countered with my standard head-tilt and vague puzzled look followed with half-smile to acknowledge her discomfort with men but to also let her know (hopefully) that I didn't share in her thinking.

Of course this is just a single instance but it does speak to the sort of 'phobia' that we've been hinting at, I think. A maleness phobia/distrust (that possibly butches bring to the table by appearance/manner/what have you...) I mean, it's one thing for a Femme to bring her "femininity" but that's ultimately accepted because it's less threatening... Easily dismissed.

So, I guess I don't have a big, huge point except to speak to my experience in "lesbian" space as it's difficult to additionally, have my queer self understood...

And I am not blind to how the lesbian identity has been disparaged over the years (online and elsewhere)... Which has me thinking about women and legitimacy and this devaluing of "lesbian" is more of the same devaluing of another being deemed "female". Which really, that's the part that keeps me from abandoning "lesbian" altogether because I refuse to be a part of that women othering women.

Forgive if I make less than total sense--I should have been in bed hours ago, please feel free to request clarification. Thanks.