Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post

Nina · 08-12-2011, 01:07 PM

one eating change which has been of value to me is to stop, what I call, "pre-eating"...you know, the 'tasting' and little nibbles here and there during the cooking and serving process...the last little bit on the serving spoon, all the times and ways we eat before even sitting down to a meal...it's hard for me, at times, since I am really bad at eating on time and often by the time I Do eat I am so starving I can't eat by the time food is ready...the 'pre-eating' is a temptation then though I have gotten better at resisting it...

before Gayla and I met I kept telling her I was a Big woman...she seemed nonplussed...I remember the day we were on the phone, I was driving to Rainbow and was sitting in the parking lot...for some reason the whole size thing took over and I pushed the conversation....I decided to just say Numbers...I told her my height and weight...and there was SILENCE...I remember saying/yelling 'say something, say something'...she said " we have really different ideas of what Big is"...the conversation continued from there...she said that I had mentioned, a number of times, that I was not small and seems like each time I did, she assumed I was bigger and bigger...it was a real eye opener to me...how we assume we have shared definitions of size...it made me realize that if I don't find find ways to to be realistic about size, about MY size, then any ways I change it I lose all the positive benefits...

I move in the world, these days, close to 100 pounds less than I did at one time...I hope by the end of the year to free myself of 15ish pounds...I have said this before, it remains true for me, I get nervous being smaller...I feel more visible and it does not feel safe...I liked it better when I was looked through, or not even noticed...I had more control that way...if I Wanted to be visible, I could choose to be, I can be personable when I want, but I could count on not being seen, for the most part...now it is not so easy to be invisible...people touch me a lot...they smile and want to talk, it can feel off putting for me...I am working on it...in the end I am happy to be lighter...lighter in the physical and lighter emotionally...it's all a process, I am thankful daily to be part of it...

(it has resulted in my son patting me on the head and saying things like "oh you're such a cute little mother")...he is a brave soul ;>)

thanks again for sharing your processes and journeys...thanks again for the kindness shared with strangers, with friends and thank-you for all the ways you are being kind to yourself...

08-12-2011, 01:07 PM	#948
Nina Timed Out How Do You Identify?: unmistakably Preferred Pronoun?: dearheart Relationship Status: In love, loved and Happy, thanks for askin' Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: SF CA Posts: 1,720 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,113 Thanked 3,383 Times in 931 Posts Rep Power: 0	one eating change which has been of value to me is to stop, what I call, "pre-eating"...you know, the 'tasting' and little nibbles here and there during the cooking and serving process...the last little bit on the serving spoon, all the times and ways we eat before even sitting down to a meal...it's hard for me, at times, since I am really bad at eating on time and often by the time I Do eat I am so starving I can't eat by the time food is ready...the 'pre-eating' is a temptation then though I have gotten better at resisting it... before Gayla and I met I kept telling her I was a Big woman...she seemed nonplussed...I remember the day we were on the phone, I was driving to Rainbow and was sitting in the parking lot...for some reason the whole size thing took over and I pushed the conversation....I decided to just say Numbers...I told her my height and weight...and there was SILENCE...I remember saying/yelling 'say something, say something'...she said " we have really different ideas of what Big is"...the conversation continued from there...she said that I had mentioned, a number of times, that I was not small and seems like each time I did, she assumed I was bigger and bigger...it was a real eye opener to me...how we assume we have shared definitions of size...it made me realize that if I don't find find ways to to be realistic about size, about MY size, then any ways I change it I lose all the positive benefits... I move in the world, these days, close to 100 pounds less than I did at one time...I hope by the end of the year to free myself of 15ish pounds...I have said this before, it remains true for me, I get nervous being smaller...I feel more visible and it does not feel safe...I liked it better when I was looked through, or not even noticed...I had more control that way...if I Wanted to be visible, I could choose to be, I can be personable when I want, but I could count on not being seen, for the most part...now it is not so easy to be invisible...people touch me a lot...they smile and want to talk, it can feel off putting for me...I am working on it...in the end I am happy to be lighter...lighter in the physical and lighter emotionally...it's all a process, I am thankful daily to be part of it... (it has resulted in my son patting me on the head and saying things like "oh you're such a cute little mother")...he is a brave soul ;>) thanks again for sharing your processes and journeys...thanks again for the kindness shared with strangers, with friends and thank-you for all the ways you are being kind to yourself...