[Leigh]

Originally Posted by JustJo

Food was the single thing I could count on. Always. And it became tied up in everything I did. I used food to celebrate, to socialize, to comfort....every situation called for food.

When I was diagnosed with diabetes, it felt like a betrayal and I went into a pretty deep depression. It's still something I struggle with...the "it's not fair" feeling that others can eat what I cannot. The feeling that my longest and most enduring source of pleasure is also the thing that will make me go blind or lose my feet...or kill me.

I wanted to begin by saying that I almost cried when I read some of the stories that I have over the last day and I can relate to every one of them in different ways. Julie, Medusa, Nina, Jenn and Anya ~ you are all very beautiful women and inspire Me all the time to know that I'm a good person and that I'm worth as much as anyone else in this world is no matter what My weight. Each and every one of you have stories that I can relate to, and I thank all of you for sharing your very inspiring stories .......... such strong and brave women we have here on the Planet, its fucking awesome :-)

Now just to move onto Jo's post above that I highlighted because this is something that I've dealt with all of My life. School was hell on wheels; I didn't graduate on time with everyone else because I could not deal with the bullies who taunted and teased Me about My weight so I would often skip school and hang out at the mall or in the fields with My friends. I turned to food during those times and ballooned like crazy, but alteast food could usually make Me feel better. Anytime I could think of I would turn to food especially to comfort Me after a break-up, a bad day, during a bout of depression or after My father belittled Me.

I was diagnosed with diabetes last year in october around the time I began T and even since then I have not slowed down on My sugar intake, sometimes it seems like I've deliberatey sabotaged My doctor's orders because I often don't feel worth it thus I just continue about My normal routine. I do alot of the "its not fair ........." thinking and it just makes Me feel worse, and then if I turn to food I just wanna crawl into a cave and hide. It sucks that the one thing that can comfort you can also injure you or kill you ~ I still don't get it but I guess its something to think about the next time we go to comfort ourselves with food. Is it worth killing ourselves for? Do we really need to eat this considering what being diabetic means? Not even close :-)