[Sun]

My first experience dating someone that I met online was a total mind F*** in that she lied about everything. The woman said that she was single, 10 years younger, was enslaved to her successful sister as the babysitter of her sisters 4 kids, when she was not flying for a major airline as a flight attendant. Here is where laws were broken and this went way overboard: she sent me pics of her babysitter who was an attractive 15 yr old, whom she had styled up to look mid 20's. Hair, makeup, clothing. Wow. It was a very amazing job. Law #2 broken: She rented a mailbox under her assumed name and accepted gifts from me. Fraud. Child endangerment. The list goes on. When I found out that she was actually married to a man and had 2 kids of her own I was floored, but she claimed to have been in an abusive relationship, depressed and suffering from borderline personality disorder so I fell for the excuses and tried to be forgiving. Mind you I was recently out of a long term relationship and really liked this woman so I bought the bait.


My one request of her was to get psych help and get on meds if needed because part of her lie was that she had been abducted as a child and molested. The story was elaborate, and she claimed that it was "all over the news" at the time. This was very much pre-internet and news archives are hard to access but I tried and found no such information regarding a high profile abduction at the time that she claimed that this occurred. I made excuses because I refused to believe that anyone would make up a story claiming to have been abducted and she gave me graphic details. The details included her cousin being raped. They were supposedly young girls. This same woman by the way freaked out over the concept of any Butch claiming to be a "Daddy" and having a "Daddy/girl" dynamic, so I suspected that there was some deep trauma there and as is my inherent style, I wanted to help. Ive since backed away from the "rescuer" mentality with the help of a good therapist and the CODA book.


I do not wish to trash this woman or speak ill of her nor do I wish to "out" her, but I must say that when she came clean with me I could not let go of the "abduction" fraud and asked only that she get some pysch help for what seemed to be obvious trauma. She promised to do so and then refused. I tried really hard to be forgiving and focus on what I saw as really important stuff such as her fun personality, and so many things that we had in common. But faking an abduction and molestation, as well as involving a teenager in her game went way beyond bored bisexual housewife playing in an AOL chatroom. This was emotionally terrifying to me on many levels. As I am not a Pscyh professional I will not assume to name the illness that this woman suffers from. Labels get tossed around too easily. I will say that this situation made me aware of how some married bi women struggle with identity and will do almost anything to find someone on the queer spectrum to connect with.

Many people have excuses for their behavior such as feeling trapped in a marriage and so on, but if a person truly has mental health issues and works on them, God bless them. Those that blame others for their behavior and refuse treatment seem like they are just potential loose cannons. They look for people who have big hearts and are compassionate, people who will listen and want to help. My advice to all is to proceed with caution and dont believe everything that you hear. See with your own eyes and believe with your own heart.