[jelli]

I am a mother of 5, yes 5. I met my partner, Cruel, 9 years ago. Cruel had no children and was pretty sure would not date someone that had children. Boy, did I *show* her....lol Cruel knew of my kids right away, but did not meet them for a couple months. We dated, we got to know one another as best we could, but I am not sure one can ever prepare themselves enough - only as best as possible.

Cruel and I had talks about parenting skill, issues we might face that possibly could cause conflict, boundaries, money, education, employment, etc.

We found situations periodically that caused conflict or caused us to examine what was behind the way we were feeling/thinking/acting. We sought out counseling at one point and it was such a turning point. This didn't have so much to do with the issues at hand, but more in the way we were communicating ourselves.

We have had to deal with a father that was constantly surfacing in a neg. light and the feelings that brought about for our kids and in turn us.

One thing we agree that we never discussed was the age of the kids when we started our relationship and how their development(in many areas) and level of maturity may also play a role in how they accept/deny a relationship or the incoming partner.

I have the utmost respect and admiration for the task my Cruel took on and the growth that has taken place over the years. We are better individuals because of each other and because of that fact we are a better couple and better parenting unit.

I am a firm believer in getting to know the person face to face and taking your time to do so. When and if the time is right then meet the kids. Get to know the kids slowly and in doing so experience how the parent is with their child(ren). Perhaps you won't like how they interact with one another. Perhaps it will bring up some issues from your own childhood/past. Prepare yourself for the fact the parent could like you, but the kids not so much.

Then what???

No matter what you two adults choose to do please remember the kids are impacted by everything. Of course they are resilient beings, but sometimes they are unnecessarily involved in situations or decisions that could've been put off until a more appropriate time or avoided altogether.