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Put me next to my friend C*, we are both femme lesbians. We both like computers, play nerdy games, have long hair, swear by black mascara, enjoy volleyball, have fantasy football teams, and change the oil in our cars. We have similar behaviors which do not clearly fit into any sort of role. We are both women who struggle against the pay difference in our field. We both have complaints about dating. The difference is that she was tormented and fired from her previous job because the name and gender on her birth certificate did not match the name on her resume.
She needs language to describe and validate that struggle, which I have never had to go through. It is not fair for us to deny her that language and invalidate her experience either.
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I see your point. I think where my brain was at was the use of trans or cis as applied by others, to others. Cause I've seen a heap of that, especially online. it's a very casual use of a descriptor. I've done it online, though I do make an effort to avoid it as much as possible. If someone self identifies, fab. But just like the "just me's" who ask what the name is for those who don't ID as butch or femme, because having a dichotamy infers only two choices - what is there for those who don't feel cissticks properly? Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. I personally don't think I'd fit into that - femme fits me because for me, it is it's own gender - therefore I can do anything with it and I don't need anything else.
I wouldn't want to remove terms from those who have a home in them. I'm quite attached to mine, so I know the feeling.
I guess I don't really have certain kinds of conversations any more in my flesh life, even though I hang out with mostly genderqueer people of various different shades than I ever did on the west coast. I wonder why that is. I never ask people how they define any more, I honestly don't care. However if they want to talk to me about it, I'm perfectly happy listening. I'm happy talking about all kinds of ID they have in regards to sexuality (pan, bi, lezz, heteroflexible wotever...) or gender, but I only really debate it much when I come *here* to this sight. Not that it's a bad thing, but slowly, it's getting more and more foreign, I think.
I dunno perhaps my brain just stalled about five years ago and the damp has set in.