Quote:
Originally Posted by Random
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Why? Because I over ate, I ate crap, I stopped being mindful of my addiction and I poisioned my body with sugar and fat to the point where I now physically crave the shit...
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Cookies, brownies, my lovely french bread, chips, gravy, fried foods, process foods... It's all crap... It's poision...
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I say no more to trying to kill myself the slow way because I'm bored, or upset or *well, she knows I have a problem with (insert junk food of choice) and she brought it into the house so I'm going to eat all of it*
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look at a piece of bread and ask myself.. *Is this more important that you?*
But It's time... Before there is no more time...
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Thank you. I needed this.
I use X,Y,Z emotions as rationalizations and excuses to binge. I will tell myself that "I deserve it" because "I am having a hard time." or my favorite battle cry "Fuck it. I don't care."
(Yes, admittedly, a lame and ineffective battle cry)
To myself I say, "Suck it up Buttercup, life is hard sometimes. Killing yourself with food will not change that."
I also have to add one more thing that I need to hear...
Seven years ago I was diagnosed with asthma and after 10 days in the hospital the doctor told me that if I did not change my lifestyle of work, study, sleep as little as possible. Repeat, I would have an oxygen tank by the time I was 50.
So I became a runner. A slow, back of the pack, has-been-dead-fucking-last runner, but a runner none the less. I am proud of myself for that, but I often use my running or other exercise as an excuse to overeat and, worse yet, to overeat my favorite binge foods. I am a bona fide
CARB-ivore. If it has white flour, white sugar, and, Lord help me, butter, I LOVE it and will eat it until gone. I am like a goldfish that way. I rationalize that "I earned it."
Let's look at that, shall we?
On Saturday I ran 18 miles it took me 3 hours and 41 minutes. I weigh 158 pounds (*sigh*) based on BMR and a
Running Calorie Calculator (not perfect, but closer than my heartrate monitor)
For that workout I burned approximately 2,000 calories. For simplicity sake I will just look at calories although the food choices are worse than just their calories indicate:
If I were to go to Applebee's because
"I earned it", and split the spinach artichoke dip with my run buddy (800 cal) because
"I earned it", then have the three cheese chicken penne because
"I earned it" (1530 cal), then split the chocolate meltdown came, (even though I want one all to myself) because
"I earned it" (405 cal) that makes a grand total of
600 + 1530 + 405 = 2535 calories
So because
"I earned it", based on 3500 extra calories needed to gain one pound of fat, I have now gained 0.2 pounds of fat in one post run meal. Super.
And, honestly, I carry that "I ran 18 miles on Saturday" with me all week and will use it as an excuse to make poor choices LONG after the "extra" calories I burned have been consumed.