[Leigh]

Originally Posted by Random

I second this post.

Detoxing can be very dangerous. Do an internet search for people who have died or at least landed in the hospital because of a detoxing cleanse.

There is no magic way to lose weight.

I'm going to be harsh here because I need to say it for myself...

The only way to lose weight and keep it off it to stop putting crap into your body and get moving.

That's it... that is the ONLY way...

I've gained 50 lbs in the last two years...

I'm heaver than I have ever been in my life... 224

Why? Because I over ate, I ate crap, I stopped being mindful of my addiction and I poisioned my body with sugar and fat to the point where I now physically crave the shit...

I feel like shit because I stopped moving... All my muscle has turned to flab.... My back hurts/goes out because of the weight of my belly, my feet/ knees hurt because my frame is not meant to suport all this extra weight.

Nothing is going to change any of this except me stop putting crap in my mouth and get moving....

Cookies, brownies, my lovely french bread, chips, gravy, fried foods, process foods... It's all crap... It's poision... My body is starving, dying of thirst while I sit here and drink my hazlnut coffee with it's two sugars... My fourth cup today...

I have fruit rotting in the fridge, but that bag of cheese popcorn my son left here last night is half gone

Sigh... I say... no more... no more trying to trick my body into thinking that the snackwells are ok to eat because they are *reduced fat*

I say no more to trying to kill myself the slow way because I'm bored, or upset or *well, she knows I have a problem with (insert junk food of choice) and she brought it into the house so I'm going to eat all of it*

I've been over weight since I was 9 yrs old... I know how to lose weight, I know how to keep it off... It's hard, and it hurts, and it SUCKS big time to look at a piece of bread and ask myself.. *Is this more important that you?*

But It's time... Before there is no more time...

I can't even begin to tell you Random how much I see Myself in this post, alot more than I care to admit at times. I relate to SO much of this post, and seeing it before My eyes is more than just hearing it or thinking it ~ sometimes you have to actually *SEE* it to get it to sink in. I have bolded a few statements in your post because they are what I relate to; I wanna break down each bolded part so I can show how it relates to Me:

1) I'm the heaviest I've EVER been in My entire life! 374 lbs is dangerous and I know that, yet its still taking Me alot to change what I need to.

2) I have over-stuffed Myself with sugar, white flour and other processed junk to the point where that is My biggest problem ~ My body physically craves that shit and I go through major withdrawals if I don't have it in My system. I liken it to My dad's older brother, Steve, who has been a heavy alcohol drinker all of his life and beer does have sugar in it. Who knows how many beers he had/has a day, but he was diagnosed years ago with Type 2 Diabetes and told to stop the beer and of course never listened. Now he is a Type 1 diabetic, sticks himself with insulin needles, and STILL drinks beer. He was recently put into the hospital and when My parents visited him, he was going through such bad withdrawls that he was literally shaking so bad his bed shook ~ out of the hospital for a few months and still drinking beer. He's so used to drinking that he basically needs it to survive ........ do any of us honestly need that shit in our bodies to survive? No!

3) Having so much weight on My body, My back is constantly in pain and of course as most know I recently went to the hospital because My legs and feet were swollen so badly I could hardly walk. I can't kneel or crouch down anymore because My knees just can't handle it, going up and down any flight of stairs is killer and even just walking a short distance can cause alot of pain and/or discomfort ........ see, even just writing it down can open one's eyes!

4) I have bought fruit before, like an entire bag of apples, and the ENTIRE bag has had to be thrown out because I never ate it ~ but I was having chips, chocolate, ice cream etc

5) Alot of My eating comes when I'm bored or upset (especially if My father is opening up his mouth about something) and he likes to keep chips and ice cream and other processed junk in the house and bitches when I eat any of it ~ which in turn just makes Me eat more of it ........ this is toxic and damaging, and yet its familair to Me **shakes head**

6) I've been overweight and gaining since the age of 5 ~ 5!!!!!! Here I am 31 yrs old and the heaviest I've ever been ............ something has to change, before I'm not aorund anymore (and thats NOT an option!).

Originally Posted by JustJo

I wanted to applaud when I read this post Random. Thank you.

We can rationalize anything, can't we? And yet, we know what's true.

I take after my father's side of the family. They're not the healthiest bunch....heart disease, diabetes, Parkinson's, various cancers...the list seems endless, and each and every one of them has multiple serious health conditions from an early age.

Compared to the bulk of them, I'm healthy....and I have type 2 diabetes and take pills for diabetes, high triglycerides and high blood pressure. I have since I was about 40.

Here's the deal. Historically, they were farmers. They did hard physical work. They were active. They ate mostly real food (like we all did before the advent of fast food, high fructose corn syrup and all the artificial crap we kid ourselves is food, beginning only in my generation). Did they bake and eat cakes and cookies and stuff? Heck yes. Did they eat cheese and butter in large quantities? Hell, yes....they were dairy farmers. Were they slim? No. They were "stocky"....not huge...just solid, big people. Yes, my grandfather died young of a heart attack, but most of them lived an average lifespan with only average health issues.

Fast forward to the present....when they are no longer farmers. They are no longer active. They live on crap....white flour, sugar, artificial everything, processed everything, no fresh fruit and veggies...just crap. It's killing them....and it's killing them younger and younger and in more and more horrible ways. All of the genetic weaknesses that have always been there are now active and thriving...and they are all sick...really sick...and really overweight.

At a family gathering I sat and watched them stuff ice cream and sweet tea into a toddler who was already literally too fat to walk....and who kept turning her head away to refuse the food. They kept insisting, and finally she gave up and ate more. I listened to my favorite cousin, who is 12 years younger than me, laugh and shake her head about not being able to get her A1c below 11 (which is flat out dangerous)....while she spooned in all of the crap on the dessert table at the Golden Corral. I listened to her older sister (my age) tell me about her latest battle with cancer....her fourth.

One of my aunts died a few years back from complications of diabetes. They systematically cut gangrenous pieces off of her but couldn't keep up. Her organs shut down one after the other. The morphine stopped working. It was the most horrible way to die that I can imagine. She was 54. And, I'm sorry....but she did it to herself. I knew that woman. I watched her eat. As a diabetic, she would sit down and consume a 2 lb. bag of Hydrox cookies at one sitting just to watch a TV show. She weighed 400 lbs. Essentially, she killed herself with food.

Her daughter, who watched her die, is 13 years younger than me....looks 15 years older....weighs 350....and is following in her mother's footsteps.

This breaks my heart.

Here's the deal. These are good, loving, caring, warm, compassionate people. And they are killing themselves with spoons and forks.

This is what's motivating me...and scaring the hell out of me...enough to make some changes. For me, there is no food that tastes good enough to die the death my aunt did.

Jo, just like Random your post has hit so many nails on the head for Me, that its really causing Me to reflect on My life and how its spiralled so much out of control. I can relate with SO much of this, its amazing to Me how much crap we put in our bodies as a way of trying to rationalize just *why* we put it in our mouths! I do want to kinda break down a couple of things in your post as well just to rshow how it relates to Me:

1) Other than the Parkinson's (which no one in My family has ever had), the rest of them have been prominent in My family ~ heart disease, cancer and diabetes. My mom's parents both died of cancer; My Papa of liver cancer in May 1998 and My Nan of lung cancer (life time smoker) in May of 1999 ........ they actually died exactly 360 days apart. They had raised Me along with My mom for the first 14 yrs of My life (until My dad came into My life) and were My second set of parents so when they died so close to one another that was the first devastating blow I ever had to endure where someone I loved died. My dad had his first heart attack at the age of 33 and has amazingly enough, and this is 100% true, has survived dying 9 times from heart attacks (not that he's had nine) but thats enough. Both My parents and I have type 2 diabetes; My Papa had it too but he was the epitomy of taking care of himself when it came to being diabetic so I should be taking after him. Then My cousin Tammy died 4 yrs ago from colon cancer and I literally watched her take her last breath; held her hand and was only one of 3 people in the room when she died (and that had a profound effect on Me). Should have been enough for Me to change but I haven't ~ and its really not doing Me any good.

2) I am not active either and I live on any kind of junk that you can think of: chips, chocolate (not so much lately), ice cream (I have cut down alot), processed foods, pepsi etc. I've had fruits in the house on many occassions and ended up having to throw it out because I never ate, it just sat there and went bad ~ something I have to change if I expect to be alive in the next few years.

3) The part about the toddler kind of makes Me think of My sister in a way; she's not force fed or anything, but after she was diagnosed with autism her palate changed and she stopped eating regular food because alot of it was like sandpaper to her. She refuses to eat veggies or most kind of fruit (though she does love bananas and oranges); she only drinks apple juice though we dilute it down with water so its not as "straight" as it was before. She eats very limited foods and I do mean limited; we try her on new things all the time but she will literally refuse to eat it. Her favorite (and constant) things that she will eat are potato chips, ice cream, pizza and some other things (can't remember everything). She's only active more or less during school when she has gym, goes for walks alot or does other activities that they have there; this entire summer she sat in front of the computer and DVD player all day and as much as I tried to get her to go outside with Me for walks or whatnot I couldnt do it ~ I don't want her to become another Me.

4) I am doing this to Myself, its true. I've always had low self-esteem and low self confidence and have always been told I'll never be good enough so I ate ~ which was in a sense proving everyone right. I ate to get rid of feeling anything because I believed that people were right and that I was never going to be good enough so I never even tried. I've been killing Myself, literally, without even thinking and now that I'm creeping close to 400 lbs (which really scares the hell out of Me). I *HAVE* no choice but to change because I do *NOT* want to die and don't want to end up physically unable to do anything because My insides are shutting down!

5) I'm following in too many people's footsteps and I'm killing Myself with food and utensils .......... I'm supposed to be living and yet in a sense I'm dying? I'm glad this thread is here because I *NEED* these types of wake up calls to kick My ass and say "STOP KILLING YOURSELF!" ~ Its time to stop NOW before its absolutely too late.