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Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow
why not just get a part time service boi or girl without an expectation since you can't commit 100%? Perhaps there is a boy or girl out there that is willing to be around when the mood strikes you and can make themselves available with little maintenance and with the same aloofness you have. It is possible to have this, a boi or girl without a lot of hands on time or grooming time put into them, it can be negotiated as such. Fet life is a good place to look if you are unwilling to do your local BDSM scene. I would have some references ready in case something comes of your search.
I read your thoughts on how the boi you are doing stuff with left after taking care of your place while you vacationed and you were unable to project your dominance on them, I would have to guess it's because maybe hy.he was tired and figured his duties were done and he too needed something which may have been rest.
Have you tried negotiating with present person in your life??
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All good ideas but my brain is muddled. To be honest I probably need to evaluate what I'm actually looking for. I think I need something more intimate. My dominance is part of my love and sex today. Lately I have not explore service only subs but I suppose I could. In the past I was even cool with friendships that had that little "something-something" so I will try and tap into that. This is what Wanton always was for me but this last time things became more intense and emotional.
Yes, I am very clear about my expectations and open to communicate. I am VERY patient and flexible to a degree. Wanton is mentally unstable with some issues with depression. I've always known this and threaded lightly keeping this in mind, however hy has hys own perception and lately keeps changing our relationship. It's getting exhausting. Hy has also been playing these little passive aggressive games to get a reaction from me. I am a "cards on the table" type of woman. If you want something from me you need to ask. I also make it clear what I am willing and not willing to do. Our base arrangement is me paying hys rent, hym coming daily to work and that is the primary base of our relationship. Then we are friends and the days hy chooses to be submissive towards me hy does. It's a bit of a roller coaster and although I don't totally blame hym I would say hy is responsible for the bulk of it.
As for hym being tired.... If that was it then I would certainly understand. Hy had help and not that much to do. Hy has a drug problem and because hy couldn't get stoned while caring for my animals hy was most likely having withdrawals. We agreed for hym to get hys own place and I would help because every night hy would go out onto the deck and get shit faced to the point where hy couldn't even talk to me. I didn't enjoy being around hym like that. If someone wants to get high, go for it. But to get shit faced every night is just not something I want to be around. I am flexible and I believe fair. I am constantly negotiating and shifting my sails. I am a strong and capable woman with a lot of life experience. If I invest in anything I expect something back and when I give more then I get I leave. It's that simple.
There is a part of me that wants to put all this on hold for now because I'm enjoying so much of my life right now. I am in a good space spiritually and emotionally. I'm just not wanting to complicate it. In fact this morning I told Wanton not to come to work and that I needed time to think things over. The past few days I get these weird text msg and this fucked up attitude. I'm not use to so much drama and I'm thinking I don't need that in my life right now.
Thank you for your feedback.