Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantYearning
It's amazing the similarities in situations. After I had ended the relationship, very straight-forward and very specifically, my ex still considered that I was cheating on hym when I started dating this other person months later. So much damage has been done that I am cold hearted now. I want to be able to love with heart and soul again. There have been times when I see a glimmer of hope ... but then other times, like tonight, when I wonder if I'll ever be capable of giving myself wholly to another again.
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I would have had the same response, RY. As much as this sounds like a cliche, love became obsession/possession. And anything and everything I did for my own self was construed as some kind of betrayal.
My soul had stopped growing, and I knew every time I was abused, some part of me went under. I did not think about resuscitation. I did not think about resurrection. had no idea I would ever need to think such stuff. I thought I was resilient. I thought I could take it all. I thought, I always thought, things were always just about to get better.
All I can tell you is that the quality of the people I am meeting now is far superior to anything I knew or let myself experience. I don't know how much of me is still buried, is still lost. But when dear friends start coming back into me, friends who my ex alienated, and they tell me that they are seeing the return of me, I take that as a very good sign.
That you are even asking this and reaching out to people is a very good sign. There's a part of you that very much wants to believe again. And with your wits about and the lessons of this learned, you will find that shining knight. Truly. :-)