Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Butch/Femme Insemination and Family Dynamics

Rivkeh · 10-05-2011, 02:05 AM

Myself and my partner at the time, conceived my daughter through alternative insemination back in 1989. That moment of holding that baby in your arms and knowing that your love has helped give life to this precious being is simply THE most mind blowing experience-everything else literally fades into the background. My daughter is now a beautiful 21 year old woman with a lot of pride about her family of origin.

Although that relationship did not survive (we separated when my daughter was eight months old-we were very young), I would have to say that for the most part there were very positive experiences for her growing up.
My partner was Stone Butch and we talked about different parental names for her (I was mama), but settled on a masculine version of her name rather than daddy. With the partner I ended up parenting with, my daughter just called her by her first name.

There was a small group we went along to that had a list of donors. What we were doing was illegal, so no clinics or legal protection. We very much based our decisions on instinct and trust-because that is all we had.
We chose to go with a known donor, from that list, because we wanted to make sure she could contact the donor if she chose to. I felt very strongly about that, but everyone makes their own decisions based on what is essential to them. He has been an amazing friend and we actually consider him more like family, but only because it turned out so positively with him.

My daughter attended a Jewish school and did not suffer discrimination because of my sexual identity which i tried to make no big deal, but at the same time not hide.
One of the downsides was that given where we live (Australia) and the time that it was, there were very very few families like ours. I did try to link with other families but the groups were made up of women who had had their children through a previous heterosexual marriage or relationship, wherein the dynamics were quite different. I think that it would have been very affirming for her to have had those sorts of connections.

My best wishes on this truly amazing journey you are planning to embark on...

10-05-2011, 02:05 AM	#10
Rivkeh Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: In formal settings...Miss Relationship Status: Wrapped up with a Shiny Red Bow Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Australia Posts: 221 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 211 Thanked 448 Times in 127 Posts Rep Power: 3852910	Myself and my partner at the time, conceived my daughter through alternative insemination back in 1989. That moment of holding that baby in your arms and knowing that your love has helped give life to this precious being is simply THE most mind blowing experience-everything else literally fades into the background. My daughter is now a beautiful 21 year old woman with a lot of pride about her family of origin. Although that relationship did not survive (we separated when my daughter was eight months old-we were very young), I would have to say that for the most part there were very positive experiences for her growing up. My partner was Stone Butch and we talked about different parental names for her (I was mama), but settled on a masculine version of her name rather than daddy. With the partner I ended up parenting with, my daughter just called her by her first name. There was a small group we went along to that had a list of donors. What we were doing was illegal, so no clinics or legal protection. We very much based our decisions on instinct and trust-because that is all we had. We chose to go with a known donor, from that list, because we wanted to make sure she could contact the donor if she chose to. I felt very strongly about that, but everyone makes their own decisions based on what is essential to them. He has been an amazing friend and we actually consider him more like family, but only because it turned out so positively with him. My daughter attended a Jewish school and did not suffer discrimination because of my sexual identity which i tried to make no big deal, but at the same time not hide. One of the downsides was that given where we live (Australia) and the time that it was, there were very very few families like ours. I did try to link with other families but the groups were made up of women who had had their children through a previous heterosexual marriage or relationship, wherein the dynamics were quite different. I think that it would have been very affirming for her to have had those sorts of connections. My best wishes on this truly amazing journey you are planning to embark on... __________________ -Rivkeh-