[Sachita]

I've been thinking..... lol I think a lot about this as I re-evaluate my life. The many chapters I've lived and how I arrive at this place today. There is no doubt that I don't fit into the typical butch-femme dynamic. Even though I'm attracted to masculinity and there are parts of the BF dynamic I really love and other parts I can do without.

So I stepped out of the femdom world i was living in, one that was quite refined and totally 24/7. I'm not even sure why. I was hoping to somehow blend my desire for BF with my femdom world or meet in the middle. It was exciting stepping into another world, almost like role-play. lol I was digging it but there were times it seriously ruffled my feathers. I just don't fit into a domestic role. I'll never forget a butch I dated who scoffed at the idea of me having a maid. And who refused to help me cook or clean. Needless to say that didn't last long. None of them last long. yet each time I would sit down, look them straight in eyes and explain what type of woman I am. My standards are high, I am feminine, seductive, smart, picky and I need to be spoiled and adored. I'm thinking that they never got that manual because they were all clueless.

Snow posted something:

" I think the whole none approachable is a stigma that comes from sexism because there are people that can't handle a Femme/Woman/Female Power source"

I don't know if this is always the case but I do feel that a lot of butches have a strong longing to fully express their masculinity. They've fought so hard to identify that they clasp onto traditional hetro relationship values. But what a lot of people don't see, beyond the facade, is how the essence of femininity truly does lead in one way or another. Women have power in so many ways and its up to them to cultivate and learn how to use it constructively. That arm candy that seems plumb dumb isn't as dumb as you think. Sure he might be spitting out the words and appear in control but she has him wrapped around her finger.

I'm getting off point lol

anyhow I encounter a butch who spent some time with me after she had broken up with a GF. She lived in my house for an extended visit trying to get her shit together and perhaps remain with me. It was perfect. It was romantic and yet she was suzie homemaker in a masculine body. She waited on my hand and foot, cooked, cleaned, massages, wonderful conversation and we spent hours talking. I was careful to keep an arm's distance because I knew she was just out of a relationship. To make a long story short she did leave and did end up back with the ex. I was crushed.

I enjoy being the bread winner, so to speak. I enjoy having a butch who enjoys taking care of our home, cooking, cleaning, spoiling me and isn't threatened if I feel sexually aggressive. I don't want to pretend that I';m not kinky. At the same time I don't want to feel like I'm fulfilling/servicing someone's sexual fantasies. Does that make sense? I've had people come to me who were purely curious about submission or seeking sessions from an experienced top. I'm not here for that. It needs to be able me.

So I'm wondering how many butches out there feel comfortable being a house butch and allowing the woman to truly lead the course of the relationship. I see it all around me even when they pretend they don't. I'm just wondering how many enjoy it and are proud to be in that space.

just sharing some thoughts and processing a lot inside. I have decided that this will be the only relationship I will allow myself to have. I am seeking a boi/butch who will be my awesome little fag/June Clever, sometimes daddy, sometimes butler, sometimes just intelligent human. Hmm maybe even two? Oooo maybe a boi and girl? lol my mind is wandering now.