Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Tips for Transitioning from an LDR to Living Together

betenoire · 10-26-2011, 09:42 AM

So while Nick has not yet officially moved to be with me, I guess I do have some opinions on the thing that I have not yet done.

Background. I moved from Toronto (happiest place on earth) to Sarnia (shitty town with less than 80,000 people in it) a few years ago now in preparation for us living together. We picked Sarnia because it's equal distance from both of our families, and because it's a border town which means that if Nick can't find work in Canada when he first moves here he can work in the US and drive over the bridge every day. Nick still hasn't moved here because I'm not okay with him doing so until he has an income here. He also still hasn't moved here because we haven't completed the immigration process for him yet - it's an expensive process to get a spouse landed and some things have come up for him that have made it impossible for him to get together his half of the fees.

So although I have done it first, ultimately we will have both moved away from everything we know. Now, I still haven't adjusted to the new town - at all. So I figure I can on some level speak to the experience of the person who moves to be with their LDR person.

It is very hard giving up everything that you know and love. I only see my family a handful of times a year (evey couple of months or so). I see the friends that I used to have less than that (I often don't even tell them that I'm in town when I go back to Toronto to see my parents - because my visits home are usually only 3-ish days and there just isn't time to see friends, especially with my family being so jealous of my time while I am visiting them.) The fault is all on me, since I am notoriously bad at keeping in touch with people, but it did eventually become a situation where Nick was my only friend - since I have ultimately lost touch (aside from a few "howyoudoin?s" over facebook) with everybody back home. That's a really unhealthy and dangerous place to be, having the person you are with being your ONLY anchor. But it's something that has a lot of potential to happen when you drop everything and move somewhere that the only person you know is your LDR.

10-26-2011, 09:42 AM	#11
betenoire Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Satan in a Sunday Hat Preferred Pronoun?: Maow Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: The Chemical Valley Posts: 4,086 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,312 Thanked 8,737 Times in 2,565 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	So while Nick has not yet officially moved to be with me, I guess I do have some opinions on the thing that I have not yet done. Background. I moved from Toronto (happiest place on earth) to Sarnia (shitty town with less than 80,000 people in it) a few years ago now in preparation for us living together. We picked Sarnia because it's equal distance from both of our families, and because it's a border town which means that if Nick can't find work in Canada when he first moves here he can work in the US and drive over the bridge every day. Nick still hasn't moved here because I'm not okay with him doing so until he has an income here. He also still hasn't moved here because we haven't completed the immigration process for him yet - it's an expensive process to get a spouse landed and some things have come up for him that have made it impossible for him to get together his half of the fees. So although I have done it first, ultimately we will have both moved away from everything we know. Now, I still haven't adjusted to the new town - at all. So I figure I can on some level speak to the experience of the person who moves to be with their LDR person. It is very hard giving up everything that you know and love. I only see my family a handful of times a year (evey couple of months or so). I see the friends that I used to have less than that (I often don't even tell them that I'm in town when I go back to Toronto to see my parents - because my visits home are usually only 3-ish days and there just isn't time to see friends, especially with my family being so jealous of my time while I am visiting them.) The fault is all on me, since I am notoriously bad at keeping in touch with people, but it did eventually become a situation where Nick was my only friend - since I have ultimately lost touch (aside from a few "howyoudoin?s" over facebook) with everybody back home. That's a really unhealthy and dangerous place to be, having the person you are with being your ONLY anchor. But it's something that has a lot of potential to happen when you drop everything and move somewhere that the only person you know is your LDR. __________________ bête noire \bet-NWAHR\, noun: One that is particularly disliked or that is to be avoided.