Quote:
Originally Posted by Apocalipstic
I just wanted to give some insight from a fat person, as to why someone might not be supportive of your weight loss.
Sometimes people losing weight are riddled which shame about their size and talk about that shame non-stop and cut themselves down and beat themselves up about their weight. This is difficult to listen to.
Sometimes when people are losing weight, every conversation, often in nice restaurants is of how many hours they exercize and how much they do not eat...etc.
I don't think anyone should feel guilty for losing weight, but if you want to keep your friends, maybe make sure they know you are still THEIR friend. When you talk about your shame, it shames them too. Maybe choose activities away from food, so every word is not about you and your diet.
Guilt helps no one, but being a good friend does!
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Thank for this- this is such a sensitive area to talk about. Shame is key- so very key. Even as a kid and really not being fat then, but a whole bigger than what girls "should" be, plus being athletic, I just felt shame- general size shame. It is so dam interwoven in US society and physical appearance.
I don't talk "diet"- if I do speak of food, it is about a food plan that I can live with and only if I am asked about how I have learned to eat better. I also know that my weight issues are addictive (I have battled smoking forever also) in nature and that I really had an undiagnosed eating disorder for years. To be honest, I look at my weight in terms of balance in my life now. I know I have a not so healthy relationship with food and emotional triggers. I will get kind of crazy when I gain some weight and that bothers me because I don't honestly feel that I have achieved (even at the age of 60 and a background as a therapist) non-
distortion about weight and size. I still do not see myself as at a good weight for my "structure" and age even though I am. That distortion is from this fat-phobic society, yet, I want us all to address weight if it is hurting us health-wise. But I really don't think there is much conscious awareness of all of the variables involved in being
obese (new data out on child-sex abuse and weight gain).
Something else that comes up for me is that I certainly know many "heavy" people that are quite active and do not have high BP, etc. at all. They are not obese and frankly I don't view as "heavy" because that is connected to the sizeism that feeds body image distortion.
On the other hand, I have lost a couple of friends due to obesity in my life- they died, one in her sleep that would not get treatment for sleep apnea.