[foxyshaman]

When I was younger, I never fit in. I used to be quite bothered by that. I was a very shy kid, whose family was gossiped about quite a bit. We lived in a very small community, and we were not Catholic or Ukranian. Tsk tsk!! I grew up feeling inadequate because I was an outsider, the outcast.

As I got older I started to see the larger picture, and where our tribe sits in that framework. In today's world, that means sorting through all the cultural pressures brought to bear on women, men, and those not wholly in either camp. I became more comfortable with who I am and what I am all about. Or well, starting to figure out what I am all about.

I realized you can't see that clearly unless you are outside of society, and stepping outside is not something done lightly...because you can't go back. Growing up I saw many things that outraged me, made me profoundly uncomfortable, and after that the shoes of "normal" never fit again. It is a "higher" perspective - not in the sense of being more morally elevated, but in the sense of being someone perched in a high place, seeing farther, looking at the people walking down the narrow road and seeing only what is in front of them, and knowing what is coming before they do.

As I get older I am much more comfortable being outside. Much more comfortable looking for what others do not see. Looking deeply into myself and helping others do the same, but only when asked to. When I was younger I wanted everyone to come to my "house". Slowly, I understood that the only people who come are those who follow their own lead to get there.

As I age I keep my grandmother's wise counsel - "save your breath to cool your porridge". I had to learn what she meant. I don't offer my opinion much anymore. Unless I am asked. I am very comfortable in these shoes. And that was no easy accomplishment.