I guess the first thought that crosses my mind in regard to this thread is the differentiation between self-awareness and self-acceptance. First of all, I know I can only speak for myself in this post and not that of others. With that said, for me, knowing I was trans was part of my self-awareness of my identity. I would not say it took searching to determine that since I was always very masculine, but since it was an innate set of characteristics, it was not something that was a learned behavior or socialized aspect of me. I will admit though that since it was not the quote unquote norm (this word norm used very tongue in cheek since I hate this word), and since I did lead a very sheltered life, being raised by my grandparents, it did take me awhile to fully “get it” and accept that identity as “yes. This is who I am. I am a Transmasculine Butch”.
With that said, there is totally a difference between admittance and acceptance. I think for most transguys and I probably should not say this for all so will state it for me….that linkage into trans was an “A-Ha!” moment for me. From that point, many questions about limits came into play. What are my boundaries and limits about my identity? What do I deem as acceptable and non-acceptable for me?
Some of those questions could include: “Am I comfortable with my body given my trans identity?”; “Do I feel it necessary to go through sex reassignment surgery given my trans identity?”; “If I do transition, am I doing it to make myself feel complete or to fulfill a societal expectation?”; “If I get the reassignment surgeries, will I ever be viewed as acceptable by societal standards?”; and many other questions.
I think here it is also important to add to the equation that FTM surgeries have not been a priority in the medical community or in society in general because it breaks the Patriarchal assigned roles. If FTM are allowed to break the ranks into the higher class male ranks, then how will society be able to continue the path of separation because then there would be a need to separate the “real” men from the “trans” men. Either way persons within the trans group would still be members of a disempowered subgroup. Just to continue train of thought here….I think more emphasis has been given in the medical community toward MTF reassignment surgeries, because according to the Patriarchal hierarchy men who reassign as women lose status. It is always easier in a society to go down the hierarchical ladder than to go up.
But back to self-acceptance. I think each of us have our own hurdles with what we find acceptable, what limits or boundaries we set for ourselves, and what path we choose to take. However, I also think we have an obligation to others members of the trans community to reach out to assist each other in our struggles. Getting the word out to younger groups remains difficult since trans education still remains very closed. It is in our own walk that we will come into the lives of others and be able to set the example. Living as an example is just one way to help break the stereotypes. We are still those who are pioneering for a better life for those who follow. That must be remembered as we go about our daily lives.
On one other note, this is just thoughts coming from my Vocational Rehabilitation background. In working with persons with disabilities....if breaking down the word disability we get "dis" and "ability" which means a lack of ability in some area. To Chaz, he viewed it as an inability to be the person he felt he truly was. I understand that it takes on a negative connotation, but he was trying to convert the negative into a positive. I truly believe that is what the purpose of that analogy was. A birth defect is a disability. His disability was being stuck in a female body. Therefore, he resorted to a surgery similar to someone who would have a cleft palate or some other birth defect that is correctable by surgery. For me, I find this empowering because he was able to change not only his perception to one that was more positive, but he was also able to give hope to others who previously felt there was no hope.
Those are just my thoughts on this issue. I think all of you have added very positive aspects to this discussion. Thanks for listening to my rambling and thanks for your input as well.
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