[Hollylane]

Originally Posted by adorable

This was so interesting. I feel bad for the guy. If she wasn’t into him she should have just said that. The male role is to pursue. *shrug* I’ve spent a lot of time dating men. Most were relentless in their pursuit. It reminds me of the phrase, “It’s only sexual harassment if they’re ugly.” In my experience in dating men, and one of the best things about it (IMO) there are clear rules. Women run and men chase. They generally are taught to be aggressive in their pursuits in business or with women. That if they work hard enough at what they want they will be rewarded. Years of poetry, books and movies reinforce this idea.

I remember my grandmother telling me once, when I was talking about a guy that I was seeing being upset that I wasn’t calling him back, that him being angry about my lack of communication was a sign that he cared and was invested. She was right. lol. So his being upset in the email that she isn’t responding doesn’t seem so far out there to me. He’s not threatening her or holding her cat hostage. He likes her.

With women, dating was never so easy. I made it easier by defining my role clearly and taking charge. The ambiguity was always maddening.

I’ve had guys show up at my job, call five of my friends to get my number, randomly show up wherever I am, send emails out of the blue….lol. Being “liked,” to me, is never a bad thing. I have had stalkers too. That was very different. After a relationship ended or someone who I didn’t know at all who never introduced themselves following me or calling my house at 3am and hanging up. In those instances I was clear that I didn’t like them that way. Only after I was clear could I judge them or their behavior. Up until that point it’s more a matter of perspective.

If she was into him, this would be a love story right? A very different headline. Ignoring men never works to get rid of them if that’s the goal. Unless they have no self esteem. That is exactly the game of straight dating. There is a book called The Rules, it’s simply old fashioned dating advice and caused a huge uproar when it came out. My grandmother always said the same exact things in that book, that is how her generation dated. She ignored all men generally and the ones she really liked, even more so. She was married to someone who was aggressive in winning her over and adored her for 65 years (until the day she died.)

I guess I don't agree or disagree, I just find it interesting that his emails were presented, but no proof from her other than her statements. I also think that if you put your email out there on the net, don't protect your personal information, and someone uses what you have put out there, they shouldn't be immediately thought strange or scary. It all depends on what happens after they start emailing. Just some thoughts.