[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Library_girl

This thread is really interesting to me, especially since I label myself as High Femme. First, I think a lot of us would say that we get to define our own labels. At least, that's what I like to think. The term "high femme" is an old term, as far as I know. To me, High Femme means really femme, extra femme, super femme, lots o' femme goin' on. And to me, it gives a little hint of old school, which is also part of my identity. In my mind, it DOES NOT mean "high maintenance" at all. I agree that high maintenance is a negative term that conjures up thoughts of someone, anyone of any identity, who requires a great amount of attention and care, be that emotional, financial, sexual, or all of the above. Anyone can be high maintenance, and it has nothing to do with High Femme. It's just a coincidence that the word High appears in both.

Also, in my opinion, calling someone or yourself a High Femme does not push that femme "upwards" to a higher level of femme-ness. There is no Femme Summer Camp (although that would be so fun!) or Femme Graduation, or Femme PhD. (If such a thing is ever invented, I want one!)

Moreover, I feel that High Femme does not suggest that there is a lower form of femme. It's interesting that so many people see things in those dichotomous terms. If this thing is high, there must be a low. If this thing is big, there must be a small. That's just not always the case. Sometimes something just IS.

We do have the power to adapt new descriptors, and we already have. Twenty-something years ago, when I was new to the b/f world, we didn't have words like boi or hy, or stone femme. Transgender was a new word. Gender queer didn't exist. Queer was being tossed around as the new cool word to use. Stone Butch Blues and The Femme Mystique had not been written yet. So as our culture evolves, our vocabulary evolves right along with us. It just takes a little while...... Meanwhile, I think a mutual respect of the labels we choose and don't choose to apply to ourselves would be fabulous. Just my humble and long-winded opinion.

Actually, the term Stone has been around for a very, very long time. It just hasn't been acknowledged along the way. And, as Tommi mentioned, Queer has also been around for a very long time. Some of us have been fortunate enough to bring words back that were used in the past to torment and ridicule and turned them around. We've taken them back and redefined them for ourselves instead of others defining us.

Anyone can label themselves what they wish. It's not for anyone to say that someone is not the label that they proclaim.

HOWEVER

There is a hierarchy, for femmes as well as butches. Sometimes it's joked about....."Oh, she's not butch enough for me".....or, on the flip side..."She wears ten inch heels and full face make up all the time....she's too femmey foo foo for me"....but it's there, nonetheless.

Part of the issue, I think, stems from the fact that femme is equated to "womanly" things like heels and purses and frilly dresses and perfectly coiffed hair. And those femmes who are just 'as femme' as the next girl in heels and a foo foo dress, but they wear jeans and a tee and have grease under their nails, get grief because they don't 'look the part'.

It's heteronormative and it promotes a hierarchy. We are all guilty, at one time or another, of contributing to it.