[JustJo]

Well....we are up and down over here.

Mom has started chemo again...the "modified" chemo she had high hopes for. Turns out it makes her just as sick...and she will still have to have it every 2 weeks....basically for as long as she can stand it.

Right now she is in the first couple days after the treatment....which means lots of sleeping, lots of depression, lots of anger and tears, lots of throwing up, and lots of conversations that are pretty rough on both of us about is it better to live a long time miserably or a short time feeling relatively normal?

Given the level of abdominal pain she has I think the "relatively normal" part is a moot point.

She has not gone back onto the morphine, but has had to up the number of Lortab she takes each day....and is still using the Fentanol (sp?) patches as well.

We have fixed the dehydration problem, which helps...and she is still eating better and managing to keep the weight up (after a brief issue when she got overly cocky and ate salad and pizza in the same day). Her goal is to hit 130 lbs so she can go off the TPN and get the Pict line out.

Evidently the issue, for her, is that she is literally freckled inside with punctate lesions all over the external tissue of the small intestine, liver and kidneys. These are cancer, but can stay "dormant" (for lack of a better term) indefinitely...perhaps longer with chemo although they can't tell us that for sure....or can become active and develop into tumors at any point.

The only procedure that is possible is called a "belly bath" or "belly wash"....and she is in no way strong enough to survive it. Even with the procedure....chances are it won't eliminate the problem. Her doctors don't recommend that she have it, at this point anyway, because she is more likely to die on the table than have it help her.

Right now....it's one day at a time....a little better now that she can eat and drink....but still very, very rough.