Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

nycfem · 01-27-2012, 11:23 PM

My lesbianism is not biological in the sense that I've been physically attracted to all varieties of gender. Yet at the same time I would not say that being a lesbian was a choice for me.

I grew up in a home that was extremely patriarchal and misogynistic. I would get panic attacks listening at night to my father abuse my mother. And it went on and on, day in, day out. There was not a single moment when his goal was not to be as cruel as possible to her. And she took it, and we all took it, day in, day out. And it sent chills through me. Was this going to be my future?

In junior high school I had my first girlfriend. We fell deeply for each other, though we didn't call it "lesbian." Still, I had a moment of feeling like, "This is what life is about." It was broader than physical attraction. I felt like this was a type of love that rocked me to my core. Her parents and then my parents split us up, forbade us from seeing each other, and called us dykes. We had no idea what that meant and vehemently denied that we were anything bad or perverse.

Then in high school I found the book Radical Feminism, a 1970's anthology. I read that "Feminism is the theory. Lesbianism is the practice." I got into separatist literature and music and learned that "Any woman can be a lesbian." It was at that moment I KNEW I was a lesbian. It became a part of my blood, a political choice and yet it felt deeper than a choice and still does. I knew it would not be a phase, that this was IT, how I would live my life. I knew that I could never have a real romantic relationship with a biological man and would never want that, despite having a wonderful brother and male friends. I've always been happy and fulfilled living my life this way and still am. I couldn't/wouldn't change it for anything or anyone.

01-27-2012, 11:23 PM	#18
nycfem Moderator How Do You Identify?: femme sub Preferred Pronoun?: Baby Grrl Relationship Status: Attached Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 6,793 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 52,987 Thanked 21,489 Times in 5,101 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	My lesbianism is not biological in the sense that I've been physically attracted to all varieties of gender. Yet at the same time I would not say that being a lesbian was a choice for me. I grew up in a home that was extremely patriarchal and misogynistic. I would get panic attacks listening at night to my father abuse my mother. And it went on and on, day in, day out. There was not a single moment when his goal was not to be as cruel as possible to her. And she took it, and we all took it, day in, day out. And it sent chills through me. Was this going to be my future? In junior high school I had my first girlfriend. We fell deeply for each other, though we didn't call it "lesbian." Still, I had a moment of feeling like, "This is what life is about." It was broader than physical attraction. I felt like this was a type of love that rocked me to my core. Her parents and then my parents split us up, forbade us from seeing each other, and called us dykes. We had no idea what that meant and vehemently denied that we were anything bad or perverse. Then in high school I found the book Radical Feminism, a 1970's anthology. I read that "Feminism is the theory. Lesbianism is the practice." I got into separatist literature and music and learned that "Any woman can be a lesbian." It was at that moment I KNEW I was a lesbian. It became a part of my blood, a political choice and yet it felt deeper than a choice and still does. I knew it would not be a phase, that this was IT, how I would live my life. I knew that I could never have a real romantic relationship with a biological man and would never want that, despite having a wonderful brother and male friends. I've always been happy and fulfilled living my life this way and still am. I couldn't/wouldn't change it for anything or anyone.