[Medusa]

Hey Losers!

Just wanted to check in - I'm still here and still on plan, just have hit one of those crazy spots in my life where there aren't enough hours in the day to function, much less write about functioning!

Something weird happened to me today. The Princess at work (Jennifer) brought me a diet Red Bull this morning, the first one I've had in almost 9 months because she heard me lamenting yesterday about how much I missed them. I decided to enjoy the diet Red Bull with reckless abandon and took a photo of myself holding the can and posted it on Facebook and titled it "Diet Red Bull - Nectar of the Working Girl".

I received several responses along the lines of "you look great, what are you doing?!"

That shit felt really good because it was so unexpected but it also made me feel kinda exposed.

It occurred to me that some people don't know that I am working on my health and so when they see me being thinner or having better color, they are like "Wow!".

I forget that my appearance is changing. I know, I know. It's crazy, but I DO. I see myself every day and don't really see anything different when I look at my body so it's really strange when other people see it.

I felt exposed today, not in a bad way but kinda like other people can see my work when my work has really been between me, myself, and I for so long.
Because this process? It's insular. It's intensely personal. It's so MINE. Sure, I talk in here and share with you all because I feel safe but for the first time in my life, I'm not depending or relying on other people to get me through this, I know I'm on my own here. Does that make any sense?