[chai~]

I tried to be butch, or at least andro. I use the term very loosely!!!

The women I was hanging out with all poo pooed my long hair and nails, nail polish, lipstick, jewlery, heels...my femme~ness.

I wasn't a "real" lesbian to them.

In their opinioin, I was sitting on the fence so that I could slip back into the het world if I got scared.

I let the pressure get the better of me eventually.

I cut 12 inches of hair off, scrubbed my face clean, cut my nails off.....you don't want me to go into the painful details do you?

I was miserable of course. I withdrew inside myself, but tried to behave "like one of the guys."

I spent less and less time with these women in the following weeks, until I completely disappeared from the group.
No one ever called to check on me, which was fine, because my hair was growing out again, and they wouldn't approve!

I went back to my wicked femme ways and have never attempted to be someone else since. I learned that lesson pretty damn quick!