[sylvie]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

This is the first time I've read this thread. I know why I was avoiding it. I am still constantly counting, always writing and calculating, and berating myself for going over my numbers. I've done nothing but gain for the past 20 years. I don't understand recovery. I know I do okay for a while, but somehow always slip back into knowing that I need to toughen up and crack down on my eating because I hate how I perceive myself. I'm feeling very anxious right now because you're all so strong and so positive, and I am too afraid to let go of my precious numbers. But I am here, and I am reading, and I am in awe of every single one of you.

((((huge huggs))))
i know i avoided making this thread & then i finally pushed myself to.. Having done so, i rarely post in it, because i get anxious and am scared as well.. and in all honesty, i struggle with my recovery every single day still.. i still hang on to numbers, i still set myself up and i still am battling that inner bully and critic that just looooves to pick me apart and make me feel badly.. So i totally understand, and i know everyone here does as well.. You aren't alone... The reason i created this thread, was so i had a place to come at the end of a day , whether to celebrate any success or to share my challenges, because for me, sharing it helps me as much as it might help others..i didn't know if anyone would post, or not.. Hoped so, though!

After having posted in here, i have gotten alot of advice from people (who don't post publicly) as well as the people who do post publicly in this thread, and it's all been very helpful to me.. The fact you posted in here today might even feel like having taken a first step for you, i know it did for me when i did - it's so hard to put it out here for all to see, and moreso even harder to be honest with ourselves.. and that's something we all understand here.. Give yourself a pat on the back for that .

i am only in the beginning stages of Recovery myself, and i totally get the mixed emotions and confusion.. It's so easy to be hard on ourselves.. Post here anytime, & message me anytime (& i'm sure the others here as well feel the same).. The support & understanding is wonderful here.. & i know it really helps bring me some understanding, and helps me know i'm not alone, and that in itself is a huge help.. ♥