[deedarino]

Originally Posted by Medusa

On binging, I'd like to say this: I am a lifelong binger and I will BE a binger for the rest of my life. I don't know if this will be the same for anyone else here but I have resigned myself to realizing that no amount of "work" I do or weight I lose is going to reset that part of my brain because I learned binging as a tool so early in my life that it's just part of my marrow.

Admitting that is not a failure to me.

When I accepted the behavior as something that is going to crop up from time to time when I am triggered in certain ways, I feel more power over it because then it's "just part of my stress reaction" and not an angry monster terrorizing me.

I might not ever binge again in my life and will celebrate that heartily but if I do binge again, I'm going to treat it like hitting a nail on the highway. You change the tire and keep going. By changing the tire, I mean that we gain awareness every time we binge. Pretty soon, we can see the nail on the highway coming and might be able to change lanes to avoid it.

Changing lanes might mean changing our routine, or checking in extra often with ourselves, or going to a support group, or etc. Different strokes for different folks.

I have had 5 binges in the last 9 months. And don't get me wrong, these were bad mothers that meant thousands of calories, lots of self-deprecation, and feeling like giving up. All of them lasted 3 days or more because when I talk about binging, I don't mean I overate at one meal, I mean that I went on a food rampage and ate exhaustively for days to the point of wanting to throw up (and sometimes doing so). This also meant that I got to repeat my cycle of binge, weigh, freak out because I gained however many pounds, rinse and repeat.
Because the cycle helps us *stay* in the cycle if that makes any sense.

We become swirling eddies of food addiction where we get to have our food and our self-loathing too.

Fuck. That. Shit.

The world feeds us enough bullshit so we have to do better for ourselves. That takes believing that we are worth the fight.

That shit is HARD.

Just wanted to give huge props to every single person in this thread (and to the folks who read and don't post). This is an amazing thread and has been an amazing source of inspiration and support.

Much MUCH love.

This post is so wonderfully important in all things we use to keep us down.

Somewhere, someone told us that only successful people are good and wonderful and failures are pieces of crap and our brains believed it. When you trip, the thoughts come. You know, the ones you have calling yourself names and telling you to just forget the whole thing.

Tell those thoughts to fuck. that. shit. and you will be well on your way to gaining control.

You have to remember that NO ONE ever gets to the top without tripping, several times...

*Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* to all of you working your way through this. I know, it is the hardest thing I have ever done.