Quote:
Originally Posted by BullDog
I am a stone butch. I never felt anyone should have to put more effort into understanding me or my issues anymore than I would put effort into understanding them and their issues. I've also made it quite clear that no one should ever have to change because of me. It will only work if we are compatible and we both are true to ourselves.
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I'm not exactly sure what you meant by that. It almost sounds like you would take little interest, therefor expect them to not put much effort in either. But I will not assume that is what you meant, perhaps I just read it wrong. And perhaps the wording you choose is what is making people grow semi-offensive at your comments.
I am a straight woman who always dated cis-gendered males. When I came into this with Daddy, I didn't want to change for him, I wanted to understand, as Laney and Julie have put it, that it was something I wanted to venture into. And I refused to do such blindly.
Perhaps when someone does have a particular taste, it is more natural, and just 'understood', to them. But I didn't have that understanding. Did I have the acceptance? Yes, I will thank my lesbian mother for all of that, being who she is was a lesson to me, to never judge others of alternate lifestyles/relations.
But I was a 'straight woman'. Though I jumped into the research like a new college student preparing his first 4.0 dissertation, I still had my fears. What if I wasn't ok, with all of it. And how could I make an educated decision, on what I could handle and accept, without knowing intricately every detail I could possibly learn about him.
I didn't see it as this big horrible thing called 'effort', I saw it as a way to truly begin to love him, because without knowing every detail, how can anyone say they 'love' someone as who they are? How many times, have you heard of, or been in a relationship where someone learned something new, and had to walk away? I can't say that it is something I would call 'love'. Then again, I go for it all, I refuse to settle for anything less.
Still, when Daddy and I talk about it all, his choices, his decisions, his desires in regards to everything, from going out to eat, to the surgeries he is considering, or the going on T. I ask SO many questions about it all. "ok, given your medical history, could this have adverse effects?" "is this dangerous to your existing issues?" "Did you ask about this, or that?"
If I did not take an interest in researching, and understanding those things, I would be lost, and therefor, without the reason and thought I offered him, he could possibly not think of something, that in the end could render him badly damaged for the rest of his life. Yes, this is a bit drastic in regards to most things, but if I did not know what all of this required, how could I truly ensure his safety? his well-being?
And do not take this, as me saying my Daddy is incompetent, I can see it coming already. But everyone needs another opinion, not everyone thinks up every possible detail. And this is just one way that I love him, completely.