I read Bulldog as saying that both should do the work too, so I was kinda surprised that this whole thing went South (not really!)
I also think (not new for me to express this opinion) that we, in the broader spectrum, by which I mean "not all" tend to be a bit masculine-centric in this community. Deferring to, expecting to be deferred to (Not All Butches & Men here). But it happens, and to pretend otherwise could be a little crazy making.
I don't like to see any of us put under the umbrella of "All good/All bad" because it just doesn't fit. So many really good Femme's (even the bossy ones!), Butches (regardless of pro-nouns) and Men (Straight or Queer).
I also got when Parker used the term "good girl and sit down" because I know that Parker is Female ID'd. She was using a term I myself have used. I found it refreshing that a Butch used that phrase, but before you get all puffed up and shit, I didn't agree with your entire ideology or technique. That's okay, mine sucks sometimes too.
As a member here (as in, me, June) I am not too comfortable when folks come on the forums and right away start talking about "This friend of mine" or "OMG, my girlfriend left me and I am going to ask a bunch of complete strangers what I should do about it".
With that said, Welcome to the Planet, DK & DD. Regardless how you identify, the foundation of this forum (Butch/Femme) must resonate with both of you or you wouldn't be here
--June
PS - The Moderator part of me loved seeing this thread mostly pull out of a nosedive, and hopes that will continue.