[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by MissItalianDiva

Hmm well I have been avoiding admitting this publicly and even "try" or think I am hiding this from my friends and family but I know it is no secret. I see everyone watching my food intake and hear the probing questions which doesn't help my addiction or controlling behaviors with regards to food but that is my issue and not theirs to deal with.

I have come to a point where I am ready to be done with the control food and calorie counting have over my life. I have a long history of what some might call anorexia while I still carry much denial and simply call it not being hungry or too busy to eat which is BS and I know it.

I obsess over carb and calorie counting as well as controlling the amount of fat grams I consume. I restrict all types of food especially meat and rarely eat in front of people....It is a ritual when I do eat. Everything is weighed out. Not sure how or why I got to this point but it is extremely unhealthy and I need to make this change. I have SLE and I know my eating habits are helping to hurt my overall health. I have no been in remission with my Lupus for some time now and the flares are constant.

So there it is. I despise food and am a restrictive eater that borderlines on Anorexia. Not sure where to start but just wanted to purge

Hi, Miss Diva. I just wanted to thank you for posting and congratulate you for taking a step.

I am almost two years in recovery from anorexia. One of the hardest days of my early recovery was my first nutritionist appointment

i wanted to hear "just eat, it's ok," but she gave me a meal plan that still required counting.

i didn't truly recover until i let that go. i went on a trip to Paris and just couldn't see counting calories in that situation, and when i got back i had a new love and too much going on to have the energy to put into the rituals anymore

i was really lucky that those two things happened close together like that, as they really created a big break between my old life and a new one.

i know other people can't expect to get that lucky, so this isn't advice, just a story