[wetfromashower]

Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of size, gender, or strength, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, physical and emotional abuse it can leave deep and lasting scars… abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. No one should have to endure this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need… There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation… It Is Still Abuse If . . .
• The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.
• The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely she will continue to physically assault you.
When people think of abuse, they often picture battered women who have been physically assaulted. But not all abusive relationships involve violence. Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused. Many women suffer from emotional abuse, which is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimized or overlooked—even by the person being abused… Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over her behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you… Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power:
Dominance – Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as her possession.
• Humiliation – An abuser will do everything she can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
• Isolation – In order to increase your dependence on her, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. She may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.
• Threats – Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. She may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
• Intimidation – Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.
• Denial and blame – Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. She will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, her violent and abusive behavior is your fault.

Abusers are able to control their behavior—they do it all the time.
• Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse. They don’t insult, threaten, or assault everyone in their life who gives them grief. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love.
• Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse. They control themselves until no one else is around to see their abusive behavior. They may act like everything is fine in public, but lash out instantly as soon as you’re alone.
• Abusers are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them. Most abusers are not out of control. In fact, they’re able to immediately stop their abusive behavior when it’s to their advantage to do so (for example, when the police show up or their boss calls).
• Violent abusers usually direct their blows where they won’t show. Rather than acting out in a mindless rage, many physically violent abusers carefully aim their kicks and punches where the bruises and marks won’t show.
The cycle of violence in domestic abuse
Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:

• Abuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."
• Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what she's done. She’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for her abusive behavior.
• Excuses – Your abuser rationalizes what she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the abusive behavior—anything to avoid taking responsibility.
• "Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything she can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. she may act as if nothing has happened, or she may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.

• Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts her plan in motion, creating a situation where she can justify abusing you.
Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. she may make you believe that you are the only person who can help her, that things will be different this time, and that she truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.

I've seen and heard some of my friends in these types of relationships... Some where lucky to still have a chance in life and some weren't... may those friends RIP... It's nothing to play with... This is your life we're talking about... I was one of the lucky ones... I as a Butch too was a victim long ago... I was in the relationship for six years... It took me six very long and abusive years to finally leave her... Don't be that person... turn around and walk away and never look back... This will effect you and any relationship you will have in the future... For a while I felt sooo embarrassed cause I let a Femme abuse me in the way she did and for as long as she did... She had that control and I give it to her... But I learned abuse came regardless of size, gender, or strength... Seriously Get Help and go talk to someone... I did and I was able to move forward... and if I can move forward you can too... As you can see there is a lot of caring people here willing to lend an ear and or a shoulder... Don't let that go to waste... Love and Believe in yourself and take the step to move forward and We're here to help any way we can.... May peace be with you...