Quote:
Originally Posted by Silverseastar
Hello. My question stems from a butch asking me to describe how I viewed them and did they seem like a man.
I'm curious, why would someone ask this question? What would be the appropriate response in this situation? Honesty? Further questions?
In my attempt to describe it I hurt their feelings and it made me feel terrible. I used the terminology of "other gender" not male and not female but masculine energy. I'm looking for more understanding as they won't talk to me about it. Please be gentle with me though!
Also is this a topic best shied away from if it comes up? Meaning is it too personal and sensitive a place for most butches? The ones I have dated in the past were never this sensitive about it so maybe it is about being in the trans spectrum?
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I was just poking around and opened up this old thread and it ... almost ripped my guts out... I can so understand the question... I am getting close to 50 years in this world and I still 'feel' the same question inside myself....
I am non transitional, I firt with straight girls, play with married ones and date those who were married (to men) in their past.
Why would someone ask this question? (damn.. emotional issue this one is)
I am choked up... even teared up a little... Some 30 years of therapy and it still bites. I think they felt a pretty high level of trust to have said it out loud. Some part of me STILL wants to be compared 'as being' male, I don't really know why, I don't think I realy want to hear the truth...(chuckle) Last year, I was having a really bad disphoria event and while in a drunken state, emailed my girl and asked the very same question. Then panic set in and I called on the phone to tell her not to reply...
What would be the appropriate response in this situation? frankly ...concern.
I would say to ask, "Are you feeling ok?" ... if you can offer some validation, look them in the eye and them find a masculine trait that you can honestly say does regisiter as masculine. If you can, find 3 such traits and let each one soak in a bit before you say the next one.
Honesty? yes... that is best,
Further questions? yes, ... maybe starting with. "I am curious why you asked me that?
{{In my attempt to describe it I hurt their feelings and it made me feel terrible. I used the terminology of "other gender" not male and not female but masculine energy. I'm looking for more understanding...}}
my insight into this comes from a recent reaction I had to feeling as if I was being lumped in with androgyny... I was SHOCKED that I was so angry... to even possibly... be classified as such that.. I had a knee jerk reaction to want to transition, as if I had to PROVE I was NOT andro' ... the experence made me wonder how many other FtM's transition JUST to find respect...
I agree that it is not the responsiblity of the person who hears the question to figure out the 'right' answer... I am just offering some 'behind the scenes' point of view.
Also is this a topic best shied away from if it comes up?
...sigh.... really, yeah... it is so much of a loaded issue... I think if someone asked, ask them questions back... they started it. be honest.... ask them what they are needing... why did they ask...
Meaning is it too personal and sensitive a place for most butches?
Most ???? I don't know.... I do know I can only face this issue because i have been in therapy for so long and done so much work, learning how to deal with the gender issues.... disphoria is a killer... and I am not being funny about that.
{{The ones I have dated in the past were never this sensitive,}} .. it may have been a bad day for hym... most of the time I am ok, but today is not so great..
I believe hormone levels have some heavy effect on this issue. A lot of FtM/TransButch etc, still have monthy cycles, and it can be really hard to deal with.
{{ ... maybe it is about being in the trans spectrum}} It very well could be,
there are not words available that can really discribe.. what its like to be trapped in a body that doesn't 'fit'.
But, hey..... I am glad this thread is here.
Every time a little more truth and understanding is shared, the world gets to be a little bit easier to live in.
thank you for asking.