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Old 04-03-2012, 07:06 PM   #3586
Ginger
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Femme lesbian
 

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I felt relaxed and in charge of my intake at dinner last night. Instead of the salmon, which comes with rich mashed potatoes etc., I had a fancy salad the probably had too many beans, too much corn and cheese but could have been worse. And I had ONE piece of bread. And one glass of wine.

Today: I feel like I have a big hard baby bump. Stress and depression and menopause and not getting enough sleep are really f***ing with my body.

But here's what I had today:

Breakfast: Lara bar on the train to work.

Lunch: veggie sushi, non-fat yogurt, blueberries.

Snack: a few pecans and raisins.

Snack at home: blue corn chips

Dinner: Grilled chicken from Trader Joe's, plus the GF made eggplant/white beans/tomatoes over pasta and I had a bowl of that.

(I would be happier if it hadn't had so many white beans, and if there hadn't been pasta, but what can I say. I don't live alone anymore and I don't get to dictate the menu and I can't resist the smell of food cooking when I'm hungry. Or at least I haven't figured out a way...)

I'm beginning to think, I can never control my weight, as long as I live here.

Is it possible I can only maintain my weight with external controls? That I really don't have internal controls, and I'm dependent on what's around me, in order to get a grip on my diet?

I'm like a reptile that can only control its body temperature by putting itself in warm places—that dependency on the external, for internal change.

Okay now I'm comparing myself to a reptile, which is really not a good place to be, so I'm going to get off the computer and end with something positive; that it was nice to log on and see all these positive, happy-cooking, happy-eating, happy-exercising people.

Love,
IslandScout

(you can call me Scout)
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