[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

In my late 20's I was completely out of control...I would binge and purge, stay out drinking all night, screw anything in pants...desperately trying to feel something, anything to take away the pain I felt from childhood sexual abuse and the attempt to prove I wasn't gay. It all culminated with me marrying my daughter's father because he was a good man and I was going to be straight even if it killed me.

Well I'm okay with the lesbian part now, and I no longer "diet" in an attempt to lose weight; I have changed my eating habits to help my heart. BUT.... I still get the urge to binge and purge if I over eat, and I weigh every single day....sometimes twice a day. I know how easy it would be to slip back into the binge purge cycle, which is why I haven't really "dieted" in 20 years. I have to be in control when I diet, and it leads me straight to the b&p to regain control if I stray from the "allowed" calorie count.

Thank you sylvie for starting this thread...as lady di says, ODAAT.

((((((((((((( Tinkerbelly )))))))))))))) i don't think the urge ever goes away, i struggle too. it's been 20 years for me and i still struggle. The urge is there but the control is there too. Getting rid of what you eat to me is a way to unload emotionally as well and therein lies the problem.

i used to weigh in all the time and a couple of years ago the scale got taken away from me, that helped break the compulsion to stop weighing myself constantly but i thought about it every day. i am better about that now but i want to have control over that scale so i have worked on being able to have one without giving in to it.

Baby steps.