[sylvie]

It always does my heart such good to see participation in this thread !!
You all play a huge role in not only our recovery, but the ones who don't post in here for all to see.. so thank you all for sharing such a personal side of yourselves...

A little update on me:
Everyday is still a struggle.. The desire to binge, the desire to purge.. i am convinced that never goes away.. But right now what i find increasingly difficult, is that i get overly obsessive.. About foods, definitely.. About numbers as well.. But, lately i am finding other things to get really obsessive about in order to try and get away from obsessing food..

i can completely understand how some people have gone from one addiction to another, it wouldn't be that hard at all..But lately, what i obsess the most is my recovery, believe it or not.. Everyday, i throw myself into the books, the meetings, the email support groups.. i read, i answer questions, i dig and i dig.. Which is all GOOD stuff. However, when i am balancing a household, working full time hours, running errands - putting hours and hours of recovery work in is exhausting the hell out of me.. i get emotional, i get bent and then the vicious cycle begins.. and if i don't put in so much work, i get so hard on myself.. When i get hard on myself, i obsess, when i obsess i set myself up.. And when i set myself up, my whole damn day is shot .. Because i spend that day (or many more days) trying to work through that issue, and balance everything mentioned above..

Also, my OCD has gotten much worse than it's ever been (housework, for instance....my oh my..) It's not a good thing either, i'm already a cleaning addict, but when something is out of order, unorganized or well.. if i have no control on how the house will look when i get home from work, for instance.. my whole day becomes an upset.. And i'll spend my time tidying and cleaning - but even worse, the fretting and the being hard on myself.. i have 2 teenagers, that definitely don't clean to my standards, lol.. So the house will never be as perfect as i want it, unless they aren't home and everything is how i left it..

So i'm really struggling with the obsessiveness of the disease right now.. i know i need to be easier on myself - easier said than done.. i have put some things into motion as far as the teenagers go.. They are 16 and almost 19, and it's time they help Mom out - they don't like the rules put in place and certainly aren't happy i'm sticking with it, but things have to change.. In the meantime though, i really need to work through this challenge of mine..

i still do great with using my daily tools..
i'm attending meetings daily, see my dietician and doctor regularly..
i am working the steps, in my workbook, reading literature, and working with a Sponsor also..

i do feel i've come a long way in a year, but i also know i've a long way to go.
This 'is' a lifetime commitment, and very grateful for each of you who share your journey and ESH as well.. It makes a world of difference for me to have this support, advice and some place to turn and ramble these thoughts..

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(((Chancie & MsTinkerbelly))) Welcome!
& Aishah, thank you so much for the informaion & links, so appreciated!