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Originally Posted by *Anya*
I enjoyed the article and agree that as a femme lesbian I do need to continually "come out" unless I am with my crew-cut butch and then it is pretty clear what I am.
During my last hospitalization as she would walk the halls with me trailing my IV pole and holding her arm, I saw recognition wash over the face of everyone passed or if they came into my room and saw her- they knew right away I was a lesbian. I liked it because I did not need to say a word and I was instantly out.
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From the butch perspective this provided me with an interesting learning experience as well.
Given my appearance I am pretty much never mistaken as straight. I am accustomed to being instantly categorized whether for good or for bad. When we would walk the hospital together it was just those same old looks as far as I was concerned.
I first started to realize what she was going though when I would return to her room and someone else was already there. Sometimes if I would step out to check on something, or get a meal I would come back and there would be somebody new talking to her. Whether a nurse or doctor or someone else, there would be this big double take when I would walk into the room.
They would be looking at her and talking with her and glance over to see me. At that point you could practically see the gears start turning in their heads. They would look back at her and give her that second evaluation look. Then the lightbulb would go on.
They were extremely good about treating us as a respected couple. But it gave me a chance to see that she does in fact operate under a cloud of assumption that others place upon her. I don't know what went on in these people's minds as they reassessed her. But it was clear to me that that was what was going on.
It was good for me to see this. I guess I just always thought that it would be easier to select who did and did not know, and have the option of passing.
I think about it a little differently now. I can see where having everyone assume that you are something you are not and having to constantly correct them if you want them to get it right would be cumbersome at best.
No answers here, just an observation.
I continue to be impressed with all of the femmes out there, but this one in particular.
