It just dawned on me that I am 42 this year. That in itself is staggering but on top of that this is the year that I can say I've been "out" for half of my life and for pretty much the entirety of that time I have aligned myself very much on the butch side of life... getting further and further on that side as time goes by.
I have had the air let out of my tires, have been in two high speed car chases, been called a fag an amazing number of times (in my earlier life I'd correct them and tell them I was a dyke - this pisses hormonal guys off more - which pleased me more), scared probably around two hundred women (ten a year? I'm being conservative) in the women's bathroom. Made several of them leave the bathroom for fear they entered the wrong bathroom. Confused even more by announcing it was a co-ed bathroom... Told several waiters I'd have "breasts" when asked "what'll you have, sir?" (again, earlier in life)... have had hackers threaten me... was tossed out of where I was living... was shut out of family member's lives... have had hateful life altering things told to me by family members... have been harassed by cops in midtown... have had very close friends walk away... have experienced workplace discrimination - from coworkers and management... and I was about two hours away from being in The Otherside when it was bombed.
It's been one hell of a ride and I'd like to thank all of the aforementioned people for helping me along my journey.
The flip-side of the coin. I've made an amazing extended family who doesn't give a rats ass who I sleep with or how I present. I've changed several people's minds/views by just "being me" and allowing them to see what a "real" gay person was like. I've been accepted as "one of the guys" by the majority of people at work at this point - and in fact the place I experienced the worst harassment at first - is the place that protects me the most today. I've had amazing sales people in men's stores - I haven't been fitted for a suit yet by a jackass. I don't know if I'm lucky or what - but thank god!! I've been fortunate enough to have been born in a time where I don't have to worry about being carted off to jail for not wearing "3 items of women's apparel". I give thanks to the Butches/TGs/FtMs/Studs before me who paved the way... I have been pleasantly surprised more and more by people who... well.. the cover did not match the book. I am learning day in and day out that as much as they can't judge me by my looks - I shouldn't judge them by theirs. There are some str8 up Southern Baptist looking women out there who blow me away with their liberal views. That's all I'm saying.
So yeah... Here's to the next 21 years... I can't wait!
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