I deal with exes on a case-by-case basis.
One ex wanted to be friends with me, but wanted to hide it from her girlfriend. I declined.
Another person wanted to be friends with me, but the things that made it self-destructive for me to stay in a relationship with her, would have still been there in a friendship. My commitment to happiness kept me from going there. Post script: I knew I was over this person when I heard she was dating someone new. Instead of feeling sad, I felt immediate alarm and concern for the new femme. Then after another year or so, I saw this ex at a dance. She forced a Hello and introduction to my friend. Later, I was startled when she suddenly appeared before me to say goodbye. I realized, I had forgotten she was there.
Another person, my "main" ex, someone I was with for ten years, wouldn't be friends with me because her new partner was jealous of me. That really hurt, and still does, though it's now been ten years since we broke up.
Another person was very angry with me when I broke up with her, and then a couple years later, died of breast cancer. That was hard for me, but as long as it was the best thing for her to keep me away, I'm okay with it.
My current partner has three close friends. One is an ex, which I don't mind at all. I like her and trust them both.
I noticed a funny thing back when I was dating. Several times when I started seeing someone, it seemed to trigger their ex's re-interest in them. I used to say, If you want your ex back, date me.
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