To me it has to be how they ID because i do not always feel the energy. i don't. And sometimes (unfortunately), i don't get the mutual recognition and respect that is the most important thing to me. There is something about being recognized as a femme and having someone know what that means. They could be butch or femme. If they are butch, they may be a butch who prefers butches (as long as they don't dislike femmes), and i still feel that recognition, that being at home.
A butch recognizes me as a femme -- and honors that. And as a femme, i recognize who she is, and i honor that. That's the most important thing to me.
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