[Andrew, Jr.]

Per Belle, This is what I have come up with when I know I am out of control. Now, please bear with me because this is sort of a rush job.

Those who torment me, and others who have neuro. diseases/disorders I believe they do so because they have some resentment or envy of me/others. Why? I have no clue. Who really knows what is going on in anyone's mind these days. Why don't children help the elderly cross a busy road anymore?

Those who are master manipulators like my bio-father, who also torments me, I believe it gives him/them a "one up". Like a power ranking on earth or something. It boosts his/their ego to put someone down. He/they are very demeaning, and aggressive about how he/they go about it. It can be with the words used, repetition of a certain behavior, or knowing that what he/they are doing is intentionally inflicting emotional pain on me or another human being. For example, my father always telling my sisters that they were fat, ugly, and stupid. To this very day, they always remember that those 3 horrible words he uttered. So when I say words hurt. I mean, words hurt.

We all see this by military hazing, political slams, and workplace bullying, even in school bullying now. Heck, kids today now carry knives and guns. I never thought I would see this during my lifetime.

The effects of this are social isolation, constant criticism to the point of believing what your tormentors are saying to and about you (Stockholm Syndrome), the lies and rumors become true to you. You loose sight of who and what you are. For example, in some sick way my father thought that beating me, and locking me in a closet were going to make me a straight woman. Boy was he wrong.

The end result can be more isolation, loneliness, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even suicide. And nobody deserves that. Nobody.

I take meds on a reg. basis. I also have some ticks. All are doable. Life is good. But when someone threatens me with criticism, or demons, it sends me right over the edge. I also find it quite rude when someone bad mouths my late sister and late younger brother. They are not here to defend themselves. I can only do the best I can. I think until you yourself bury your own siblings, you have no room to talk.


Kimbo,

I was diagnosed very early with my learning disabilities thanks to my oldest sister. I failed in school. In fact, I failed anything that was organized. It made no sense to me. I also am colorblind. I would make an appt with a neurologist, and also have testing done by a therapist. See what the results come out to be. Mine were pretty much the same as Apoc.

I wish you peace.

Andrew