[theoddz]

Hello Morningstar,

I know you addressed your question to the couples who've had 5, 10 and 20+ years together, and Tabs and I have only hit the 4 year mark. I've had 2 other long term relationships in my life, one that lasted 5 years and the other nearly 8, both wonderful, even though they didn't last. Looking back on it, however, I know why they failed, so I'm just going to throw my 2 cents in on this thing, and just say a couple of things from my own perspective.

I think that many people who have longevity in their relationship would probably agree with my broad, generalized statement that, in order for a relationship to survive, you have to continue to grow together. If you don't, you grow apart. When you grow apart, you lose interest and then you lose communication. I do think that compatibility is a big necessity, but that certainly doesn't mean that you always have to see eye to eye on everything. You just have to be able to communicate your differences and be able to listen, hear and understand your partner, and take action to work things out in a lasting, meaningful, mutually accepted way. Mind you, some people, G-d love them, are just pissy communicators. When you get into a relationship with one of these folks, you/they either learn to communicate with them/you or you're doomed. I used to be one of these kinds of folks, but my problem with communication was due to other issues I had going on that I should have worked out before trying to become involved with someone.....anyone, for that matter. That might be the case with some people, too.

It's the little things that break a lot of folks up, I think...the little annoyances and failings and disappointments that are not communicated and worked on that split people up. It's the lack of interest and complacency of accepting the slow spiraling down of communication. In my own experiences, the lack of love was never the issue. There was always plenty of love. It was the communication breakdown that killed the relationship, and this is what is meant, I think, by the phrase "when love is not enough". I think this is what happened to both of the failed long term relationships in my own past. Because of the lack of that communication, we grew complacent (though comfortably so) and thus failed/stopped growing together.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents, for what it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. I, too, am interested in hearing what the other folks have to say on this.

~Theo~