Hey healthies
I haven't posted as much lately...mostly because I've been frustrated and angry and having a little pity party.
So I had my latest doctor's appointment and got my lab results. All is good except that my A1c is up to 7.1 - which is "damage is happening" territory.
Meanwhile I'm exercising faithfully, eating pretty well, dropping weight and frankly looking and feeling better than I have in a long time. The rise in A1c is completely due to going off the Actos....because it may increase the chance of bladder cancer, but it's a darn effective diabetes drug.
So I'm frustrated....because it feels like I'm working hard and doing great and, when it comes to the diabetes, I'm losing anyway.
I'm angry....because it feels like no matter how hard I work it doesn't make enough difference to count....because "other people" can drink soda and eat candy and generally pig out and not have to deal with this disease that would like to blind me and put me in a wheelchair or worse....because I know the judgement is out there in the world that I'm diabetic because I'm lazy or fat or eat garbage, when the reality is that I'm diabetic because of my genetics and all I can do, and only through intense, sustained effort is to moderate the effect of my genetics a tiny bit.
And I'm having a little pity party...because it just isn't fucking fair.
So...my choices, as presented by the doctor:
- go back on the Actos and monitor urine samples faithfully to catch any cancer early if it happens, but recognize it dramatically increases the risk
- double up the glimiperide....which I was hoping to get off of completely because it's the drug that makes me feel sick. It also scares me because it forces the pancreas to produce insulin....which feels a little like I'm whipping a tired horse....something that generally doesn't end well.
- or.....well.....that's it. Those are my choices.
I recognize that in many ways I am fortunate. I have health insurance (with a huge deductible, but still...insurance). I have a good doctor and easy access to medical care. I have the funds to buy healthy food. I have the knowledge of how to cook and eat to maintain my health.
I have it better than many. I know that.
But I also have it worse than many too....who can go eat a candy bar and not have to wonder what it's doing to their eyes, or their feet, or their kidneys, or.....