Sorry, I should have been more clear.
By loosing my shit, I mean melting down, or yes loosing my grasp and my handle on things. I have to be able to function.
I have to be very very careful because my body reacts violently to things I think I can handle just fine...but can't and maybe never will.
Loosing things and money is hard, but its just things. Loosing kitties is heartbreaking. I think of them still with me in my mind. When I was little I had imaginary kitties that went everywhere with me, even though my parents hated cats and my father killed kittens. I left my invisible ones on a helicopter in NY and never found them again. I looked and looked. I am still somehow so sad about it.
I don't think any of us are faking, no matter when people think. No matter if they tell me I am using my past as an excuse. I try not to be angry when someone says something like that and just be glad they really don't know how PTSD is and hope they never ever know.
I think my body can't handle bursts of adrenaline any more. Fear, anger, even though I take medication, if I get upset my body reacts. Even on anniversary dates of great stresses, my body knows even if my brain has forgotten.
Things that help for me? Walks, acupuncture, reading, Oprah's life lessons on her new channel OWN, Course in Miracles, candles, prayer, music, dancing, writing, getting plenty of rest even if I can't actually sleep.
I very much relate to Major Tom and also to The Wall (Pink Floyd). Sometimes I am so close, I can't listen to them.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in love, breathe out fear.