Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post

Breezy · 06-08-2012, 12:41 PM

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?

Some of them I see daily, some weekly, one in particular whenever he is in the state.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?

Most of them daily.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?

No

4) Are finances a consideration?

No

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?

Not for me but if it is for them I go to them.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?

Oh hell yes. I work insane hours. Sometimes friends hear from sitting in the airport awaiting boarding to go wherever the hell the boss send me. I am "usually" supposed to be free on Sunday.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?

Ah not so much. I cannot usually accommodate that kind of spontaneity.

Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?

They are wonderful. Most of my friends are butch or FtM or butch gay men.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?

Single now, but I'd be saying, um why do they need to meet your approval?
If there were inappropriate issues ensuing and I was partnered I'd be the first to drop the friend and not wait for a partner to feel uncomfortable.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

I was expected to take sides after a break up. I was expected to believe as gospel what one friend said about her ex who was my friend as well. When I did not she blew her stack, told lies about me and her ex and others listened and took her words as gospel. It was sad and painful but I had to let her go. I had overlooked this behavior of hers in the past and lied to myself about her never doing this to me, to us as friends. Reality became clear.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.

I was young, 23, in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. I did not know how to leave. I did not know how to take care of myself emotionally and stayed way too long. He told me he was walking away until I found my way out but he'd be there afterward. He said he could not watch me go through it anymore. I'm glad he was there 2 years later.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?

talk to them about it and realize I could not control it. I would tell them I am here when and if you decide you want help.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?

I'd give them the local shelter numbers, addresses, a list of things to do to leave safely and keep the light on for them at home.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?

Walk away.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?

Walk away.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?

Nah.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

N/A

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

23 years. We talk about everything. People say we sound like an old married couple and at time we do. He is my best friend.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?

No ex's as friends. The endings were horribly dysfunctional. My present ex and I co-parent so it will need negotiating.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?

I don't have any.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?

They are one in the same with the exception of sex.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.

I took her 12 year old wild child off the street after she ran away and she lived the summer with us until she and her mom could get things worked out.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

He told me get out of the abuse. He walked away but was there after I left the abuse. I moved in for 5 months and recuperated.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?

Drug dealing, killer for hire, pedophile, anger monster, physically or mentally abusive to me and others, stealing from my home or kids, negativity addict,
hacking my computer (in the bad sense), harming one of my kids or grand kids in any way shape or form, racism, bigotry and hate.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?

White lies, being in the sex trades, messy (cluttered not dirty) home, handicap, no money not much money,

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? Not at all.

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? Not at all

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? Not at all.

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? Not at all.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? Not at all.

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? Not at all.

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? Not at all without good reason.

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? It's according to the situation.

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.

Yeah, sounds like fun.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
getting there.

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater

Yes.

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else

Nah.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV

Nah.

6) Participating in team sports

Nah.

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)

Yes.

8) Shopping

Yes

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants

Yes

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals

Sure

11) Other

Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?

BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

No.

06-08-2012, 12:41 PM	#28
Breezy Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: . Posts: 1,372 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,337 Thanked 4,555 Times in 1,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability 1) How often do you see your friends in person? Some of them I see daily, some weekly, one in particular whenever he is in the state. 2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend? Most of them daily. 3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend? No 4) Are finances a consideration? No 5) Is accessibility or health a consideration? Not for me but if it is for them I go to them. 6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration? Oh hell yes. I work insane hours. Sometimes friends hear from sitting in the airport awaiting boarding to go wherever the hell the boss send me. I am "usually" supposed to be free on Sunday. 7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it? Ah not so much. I cannot usually accommodate that kind of spontaneity. Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values 1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships? They are wonderful. Most of my friends are butch or FtM or butch gay men. 2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person? Single now, but I'd be saying, um why do they need to meet your approval? If there were inappropriate issues ensuing and I was partnered I'd be the first to drop the friend and not wait for a partner to feel uncomfortable. 3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend. I was expected to take sides after a break up. I was expected to believe as gospel what one friend said about her ex who was my friend as well. When I did not she blew her stack, told lies about me and her ex and others listened and took her words as gospel. It was sad and painful but I had to let her go. I had overlooked this behavior of hers in the past and lied to myself about her never doing this to me, to us as friends. Reality became clear. 4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. I was young, 23, in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. I did not know how to leave. I did not know how to take care of myself emotionally and stayed way too long. He told me he was walking away until I found my way out but he'd be there afterward. He said he could not watch me go through it anymore. I'm glad he was there 2 years later. 5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? talk to them about it and realize I could not control it. I would tell them I am here when and if you decide you want help. 6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship? I'd give them the local shelter numbers, addresses, a list of things to do to leave safely and keep the light on for them at home. 7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do? Walk away. 8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do? Walk away. 9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her? Nah. 10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable. N/A 11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time? 23 years. We talk about everything. People say we sound like an old married couple and at time we do. He is my best friend. 12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that? No ex's as friends. The endings were horribly dysfunctional. My present ex and I co-parent so it will need negotiating. 13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”? I don't have any. 14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner? They are one in the same with the exception of sex. 15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. I took her 12 year old wild child off the street after she ran away and she lived the summer with us until she and her mom could get things worked out. 16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. He told me get out of the abuse. He walked away but was there after I left the abuse. I moved in for 5 months and recuperated. 17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone? Drug dealing, killer for hire, pedophile, anger monster, physically or mentally abusive to me and others, stealing from my home or kids, negativity addict, hacking my computer (in the bad sense), harming one of my kids or grand kids in any way shape or form, racism, bigotry and hate. 18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend? White lies, being in the sex trades, messy (cluttered not dirty) home, handicap, no money not much money, Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that: 1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? Not at all. 2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? Not at all 3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? Not at all. 4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? Not at all. 5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? Not at all. 6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? Not at all. 7) …your small or adult children like your friends? Not at all without good reason. 8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? It's according to the situation. Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you? 1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. Yeah, sounds like fun. 2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors getting there. 3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater Yes. 4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else Nah. 5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV Nah. 6) Participating in team sports Nah. 7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.) Yes. 8) Shopping Yes 9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants Yes 10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals Sure 11) Other Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out? BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way? No.